The Year Ends, Good Luck My Friends

Good morning and Happy New Year's Eve!

Every day is a holiday when you get to wake up and continue living in this great world. It's a blessing to be one of the people that woke up this morning and received another chance to live out their dreams. Because millions of people weren't so fortunate last night.

I'm personally thankful that I'm able to share my opinions with whoever wants to see them. If one night I have a profound dream and the next morning I wake up and decide to start a religion I can do that.

I'd at least be ten percent closer to fulfilling my namesake...

© Intellectual Reserve, Inc

If I want to talk trash about my president, or mayor, or governor all day, every day I can do that. And I can do this all without leaving the comfort of my home, through the power of the World Wide Web.

Not everyone in this world can say that. Some people would be killed for even implying that.

Let's get a star of applause for freedom. 

Anyway, today should be like any other day. (Except for some reason I woke up feeling like it was the 4th of July instead of New Year's Eve.) I'm going to blog. I'm going to screw around in the streets with my friends. I'm going to haggle with my local underpaid pharmacists so I can get my prescriptions dirt-cheap. I'm going to hit on any girls I see that I like. 

Nothing much changes around here. 

(I can't help but feel like I've jinxed myself here and now something crazy is definitely going to happen today.)

I feel like a boss. Yesterday I knocked my To-do list out of the park. And I'm going to do the same today because I'm a disciplined badass.

Let's go ahead and start off this day with a bang.


See you next year.

Until then keep on rocking in the free-world...

My Latest Unfinished Poems

And now for something completely different.

I've been writing shit that rhymes since middle-school. I say "shit that rhymes" because it started off as satirical stories, morphed into songs, and sometimes I write poetry. However I haven't been consuming as much media lately  so it's been harder to write. Sometimes I run out fuel mid-writing session. These are my last five projects -

This Is Hel

This is Hel!
Want to know how I can tell?
You're not here with me
My heart begs and pleads

No Hades, no Mephisto
I sit upon this throne
Why have I created this hell

My demons guard the exit to this place
I have to face them if I want to escape

In this hell
There's no one here but me
I can't tell
Am I awake or still asleep?

Either way
Don't want to stay here another day!

This is Hel!
A spiritual jail
Don't know where I went wrong
But my happiness is gone

I can't stay here forever
Trapped in this Nether
But I don't have the strength to fight myself

My fears guard the exit to this place
I have to face them if I want to escape

In this hell
There's no one here but me
I can't tell
Am I awake or still asleep?

Either way
Don't want to stay here another day!

As I kill these demons I turn to leave
Then I see the devil blocking the exit is really only me
He points a finger and asks just where I'm going
If you leave here your vulnerabilities will be showing

Go sit back on your throne and be comfortable
I know you want to go higher but stay on this level
There's things up there you're too weak to face
That's the reason you're here in the first place
If you want to leave you have to go through me
Trust me I know more than you, don't leave

No Structure

I think about how much of a badass I am everyday man
Got rhymes like Tupac and chin piercings like David Draiman
Getting back into the speed is so fucking hard
Guess I got fuckup man, like Dragons fuck cars

I don't need this, I don't care
Weed is better than prayer
Cause it'll get you higher
Than heaven

That's the angelic experience
You don't need god, you need cannabis
Who needs Jesus anyway
He was weird and probably gay
And I guess that okay
But not in my house cause all our idols are straight

Straight like my hairline
Cause my barber cuts better than Wolverine
And he's bald like Mr. Clean
But he's nowhere near as lean

Wrath of the Night Sky

To earn your status as a man
You have to see the master plan
Look into the night sky
And you will see the design!

The demons that shaped this Earth
Bestowed us with a minute worth
Spreading their traits in our gene pool
Invisible to only the fools

Open your eyes and look above
The black skies are lacking love
If you look at just the right time
You can see the heartless divine

You will see the eye that watches us all
And the true face of the Earth so-called
If you don't know what I'm on about
Just close your eyes and open your mouth

Call out the names of the Elder Gods
In their glory they'll respond
Open up that flesh-bound book
If you dare to take a look

Release the ancients from their prison
Unleash them upon us to seek their vengeance
Suffer the people as they die
Offer us up as a sacrifice

Are you willing to take a stand?
Do you want to see the master plan?
We need you to come outside
And scream our names into the night sky

Santa's Got a Shotty

Merry Christmas to all of the kids
Santa's gonna find you wherever you're hid
He's coming down the chimney with a shotgun
He's bringing everything so you better run

Santa gonna get you you're on his list
He's bringing his shotgun he's fucking pissed
He doesn't care whether you're naughty or nice
If you're in his way then you're gonna get iced

Jingle Bells to all of the kids
Santa's gonna find you wherever you're hid

Wendigo of the Modern Times

Shadow people roaming in the streets
Covered in black from their head to their feet
They do nothing but spread lies and deceit
They're not creatures that you want to meet


If you see them you better stay out the way
They'll introduce you to a new kind of pain
If you hear them you better run while you can
Cause these demons despise woman and man

They sound like someone gargling with rocks
They smell like dead meat laid out till it rots
They crawl on all fours and they sprint real fast
They'll let you touch them, but don't you fall for that

They eat human meat, they really like our eyes
Piece by piece, they will eat you alive
They're Wendigo of the modern times
And they're stalking and walking among you and I

Bonus: The Void Made Flesh

I AM THE END OF DEATH ITSELF!

I am heaven and I am hel

I am the reason and I am the rhyme

I've been here since the beginning of time

Countless planets have met my wrath

Know my name  Shuma-Gorath!

Do you think you can defeat me?

I can feel your will weakening

I'm the ruler on numerous planes

Your world will fall all the same

Not gonna lie, the only one I'll probably go back and finish is the one directly above ("The Void Made Flesh"). It's about a character I think is super-duper badass.

That guy down there could probably write

a Necronomicon-sized book of poems.

© Marvel Comics

And if you're over there thinking, I bet this guy has never actually finished a poem in his life -

Literally all of these are filled to the brim with

a year and a half worth of shit that rhymes.

Also, feel free to finish the poems yourself and share them around. I'm cool with that. Also, they're copyrighted that way.



This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Monday, January 29, 2018: Hunger Pangs at the Urban Escape Games

I'm on a school bus, coming back from a field trip.

We went here. Our pack separated into two groups. 

Spoiler Alert: No one escaped.

© Urban Escape Games, LLC

I didn't engage anyone so I had a bad time.


I feel uneasy right now. This morning however was very enjoyable and productive. I want to reproduce that level of productivity. 

Fuck this. I'm going to sleep.

© Paramount Pictures

(Or Disney. I don't know. I don't own this. Just don't sue me, please.)

It's the end of lunch and I feel directionless and scared. But I know I can correct this. And to hell with it, if I can't. With what? I don't fucking know.

© Universal

Sunday, January 28, 2018: This Positivity is Filling Me

I just woke up. I'm getting ready to meditate, and I feel a bit confused about how today's going to go.

Time to pop out the crystal ball...

© Shutterstock

Honestly, I feel like a pile of shit. Maybe, meditation will fix that feeling, if it can be fixed. One thing I do know is that I will get a lot of things done, today, regardless of how I feel.

The Nature Boy's Energy is Flowing Within Me

Happy New Year's Eve Eve.

And welcome to another exciting installment of -

Joe's Startlingly Amazing Journal Entries

(Otherwise known as black words on a white screen.)

This morning my incantations reached dangerous levels of energy. I surpassed William Shatner. I surpassed Nicolas Cage. Hell, I even surpassed Jim Carrey levels of energy this morning.

That's right. 

This morning, I reached Ric Flair levels of energy.

Hard to explain how my house didn't explode 

with sheer awesomeness this morning.

© World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc 

So manifestation is dope as fuck. The Law of Attraction seems to be very real. (That or I just set very low and easily achievable goals.) For a skeptic like me to claim that, some real substantial evidence had to be presented.

You want me to believe a hippy walked on water, summoned zombies, and resurrected himself? 

Just prove it, my dude!

© 1996 Tri-Star Pictures

Anyway, this journal entry has been at least 10 minutes in the making. So let me go ahead and end it right here.

Peace the fuck out.

Feeling Strange Leads to Happy Days

Good morning and Happy Saturday.

Are you ready to dance with death?

I'm feeling a bit weird this morning. That's what happens when you take two different pills and you forget to take them at the usual time.

© 20th Century Fox

Funny thing is I wouldn't have taken my medicine at all if one of my former Champions hadn't woke me up with a phone call at 2:30 (Which I didn't pick up). I usually take my morning medicine at 1:35, but yesterday I forgot to set my alarm when I went to sleep. I feel strange right now. It will probably blow over. (It has.)

You know what I'm really happy about this morning? Google's speech-to-text has  come full-circle and is finally forming coherent sentences. I've written this entire entry without manually typing anything.

© Rob Cantor

So I got that going for me which is nice (I'm starting to realize I say that way too often.)

Let's go ahead and get this started cause I feel like I could ramble on til 7.

Peace out.

Greatest Takeaways from December 23 - 29, 2018

This post is going to be about the three greatest life lessons I learned and applied this week. Now that I know  people are actually reading these damned posts I'd like to share peace, love and happiness here, too.

1. No one can change the way you are inside. It pays far more to be consistent with the way you treat everyone. Don't say "I want to deal with this person but fuck that guy." Be able to deal with everyone, just know that some people are far more difficult to deal with than others. Further if you allow someone to change your emotional state so much that you don't want to deal with them, then that's the ultimate slavery. Courtesy of Sadhguru.

2. If you can see anything in your mind you can manifest it in reality with hard work and belief. ANYTHING. Sounds like rubbish but I've been actively practicing this and it works. The skeptic in me wants to believe it's some heightened form of confirmation bias mixed with charisma. But honestly who gives a shit? Another lesson that came courtesy of Sadhguru. 

3. The way you are is far more important than the way people think you are. Building your character in the name of righteousness and morality feels and is better than maintaining any kind of reputation in the name of looking good. Lesson courtesy of Charisma on Command. (Skip to 2:17 to hear Charlie Houpert explain this point) 

Changing Things and Sacrilegous Dreams

Hello.

It's raining cats and dogs out here. It's beautiful. It looks like this parking lot could flood. I love such drastic changes of scenery. This morning we get to see mother nature. We get to hear mother nature. And if we want to be dumbasses we can taste her too. This is a wonderful morning. These are the Rains of Change. (I'll write that song for you a little bit later, baby. I see it as an 80s hair metal ballad.)

I was having strange dreams last night. One of them was in a church for some strange reason. Being a non-believer I raised all hell and didn't listen to shit they told me to do. 

I read along loudly from the NIV even when the pastor says that today's 

 passage will be from the KJV!

Also for some reason, all of my friends from high school were there. Go figure...

Let me go ahead and get this shit started this morning...

I'll see you guys on the next Somewhat Agitated Joe Show!

Yes, I stole this from the Angry Joe Show...

Friday, January 26, 2018: Confused Feelings and Certainty of Healings

I'm preparing to meditate. I feel pretty clouded and confused. I'm still very confused as to what's going on. But, hell that's the default state.  Today will be better than the past couple of days. I know that for certain.

It's right before advisory (homeroom) and I feel a bit lost and directionless. I don't know what's going on.

(This is apparently how I felt all day...)

A Good Day Always Ends In Unearned Pay

Good morning.

All in all, yesterday was a good ass mother fucking day. I quit coffee cold turkey and didn't feel bad. I went up to the library and worked on the blog. 

And at the end of the day, I got fucking paid. Yesterday was a good ass day.

This morning I got an earache from laying on the floor. It's all right though, shit like that happens. It'll blow over. This morning I got a sink full of dishes to take care of. You know that's no big fucking deal. Last night my dad ordered a blender, and this morning he wants to fucking cancel it. Amazon's saying no. Once again we'll fucking handle it.

Yep, that's me...

© Key Word Hut

Yep. Get the shoes.

(Lolwut? Google's speech-to-text just got me completely wrong. That's not what I said but it sounds way funnier so I'm leaving it. Sounds like I'm preparing to go stomp the shit out of a rival blogger. "I'll be damned if he gets more pages views than me! Not if I've got anything to say about it! It's Hipster Stomping Day!")

Some Random Stuff - Song Lyrics Generator

So I'm feeling inspired by the Top Ten Favorite Bands list I recently completed to stir this blog in a slightly different direction. While originally intended this to be an archive for all of my journal entries this year (Hence the name 'not-diary') I might occasionally post some of the creative stuff I do here.

So here's a couple of songs I made with the Song Lyrics Generator (If you want to make your own songs head to https://www.song-lyrics-generator.org.uk/.)



When Your Life is Full of Dirty Liberals and Dogs

Gays suck and girls suck.

The world is out to get you.

You want to get laid,

But your life is full of liberals and dogs.

You wonder when will it end.

You want Arnie,

You want Sly,

But all you see is Jamal.

Oh Jamal.

Oh gays and girls, they'll pull you under,

Drain your life of weed and wonder.

Gays suck and girls suck.

The world is out to get you.

You want to get laid,

But your life is full of liberals and dogs.

You really want the world to end,

Goodbye Arnie,

Goodbye Sly,

And good riddance to Jamal.

Oh Jamal.

Oh gays, girls, will pull you under,

Drain your life of weed and wonder.

Gays suck and girls suck.

The world is out to get you.

You want to get laid,

But your life is full of liberals and dogs.

Your life doesn't have to end.

Sing with Arnie,

Dance with Sly,

And put a curse on Jamal.

Oh Jamal.

Your life is dirty,

But get out and get laid.

You want the greatest thing

The greatest thing since you smoked a bone.

You've got it all, you've got it sized.

If you are confused check with cracked.com.

Carry a phone to help you along.

Get out and get laid.

Fucking lol. It asked for something I didn't like and off the top of my head I typed in "liberals." (I have no problem with any particular political leanings. Jokes are jokes.) Somewhere along the line it asked for some nouns and adjectives. And this generated the perfect piece about how them dirty liberals are stopping you from getting laid, man. Also Arnie, Sly, and some guy named Jamal are in there, too. Sounds like the plot to a Crispin Glover movie.

"How Much Do I Love Food?"

I get on with life as a gigolo,

I'm a short kinda person.

I like playing pool on Sundays,

I like working out in the week.

I like to contemplate girls.

But when I start to daydream,

My mind turns straight to food.

Boom boom shake da boom-boom-boom!

Sometimes I look at myself and I look into my eyes,

I notice the way I think about food with a smile,

Curved lips I just can't disguise.

But I think it's girls making my life worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for me to decide which I love more?

Girls or...

Food?

I like to use words like 'poop,'

I like to use words like 'man.'

I like to use words about girls.

But when I stop my talking,

My mind turns straight to food.

Boom boom shake da boom-boom-boom!

Sometimes I look at myself and I look into my eyes,

I notice the way I think about food with a smile,

Curved lips I just can't disguise.

But I think it's girls making my life worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for me to decide which I love more?

Girls or...

Food?

I like to hang out with John,

I like to kick back with Dakota,

But when left alone,

My mind turns straight to food.

Boom boom shake da boom-boom-boom!

Sometimes I look at myself and I look into my eyes,

I notice the way I think about food with a smile,

Curved lips I just can't disguise.

But I think it's girls making my life worthwhile.

Why is it so hard for me to decide which I love more?

Girls or...

Food?

I'm not too fond of Democrats,

I really hate thieves,

But I just think back to food,

And I'm happy once again.

Boom boom shake da boom-boom-boom!

Okay, I admit it. I don't like Democrats. Or any politician for that matter. They're all thieves!