Joe's (Totally Not) Diary

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Changing Career Levels and Christian Death Metal

What's up?

I've been rolling around on the floor for the better half of an hour. I want to go back to sleep. I feel sleepy. But it just ain't happening. Besides, I've got a bit on my mind...

Well, it definitely isn't that...

I applied for the zoo on Saturday. They called me yesterday and told me I got the job. So no more sandwich making.

I've got to tackle a whole new beast...

Two song puns in a row. Hey-oh!

I didn't apply to work with the animals, or do frontend service. I applied to work with the attractions. You know, the carousel, the slide, and all the shit you make grandma do with the kids when they get tired of walking around? And that's fine and dandy. I'm damn good with people and I'm always developing my conflict resolution skills. But despite having an eight-year old sibling, I don't consider myself the best with kids.

"Goddamnit Billy! Could you use the ten words you know instead of being a little baby? Oh wait..."

But hell, that's why I'm doing this. You have to start somewhere. What better place than here? What better time than now?

Plus if you've been reading this blog for the past couple of days you know it's turned into Joe's Adventures in Lackluster Employment. We can at least change that 'Lackluster' into 'Spectacular.'

And speaking of lackluster, I can’t find my tennis ball. I use it to exercise my chest and shoulders every morning. (It's an easy exercise if you want to check it out yourself.) I haven't really looked for it, yet. But this would be the first time I've had to. It's a neon green ball the size of a fist. Nothing else in my house is that color. Eh, whatever.

In other news, I got up with the idea of writing a song reminiscent of "Eternal Eclispe." (All you need to know is that the opening lines are,"I hate humanity, and I will not hesitate to kill!") But I just don't have that kind of hatred in me. My biggest weakness is my love of people. I can definitely get angry at people from time to time. And a trip to Walmart on a Sunday will have anyone feelling misanthropic. But the feeling never sticks. And I'll always have hope for the world. I wouldn't get out of bed if I thought this world had gone to shit. Hell, that's what keeps me going.
But it's not exactly the right fuel for a good death metal song...

"I HAVE ENDLESS COMPASSION!

MY LOVE IS EVERLASTING!"

Well, it wouldn't necessarily be bad death metal. It would just be mediocre Christian Death Metal. And God knows we already have enough of that. I'm not jumping on that train.

But, anyway.

Peace the fuck out.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Uncovering These Illusions Is Always The Solution

Welcome back.

I'm sitting here in my kitchen. I've been up for exactly 16 minutes. And boy it sure doesn't feel like it. I just got done with the things that I do every single morning. Folding up my sheets and my pillows brushing my teeth. Using the bathroom. And now here I am recording this.

The passion is real...

I've still got my job on my mind. You see, riding home yesterday I thought about the fuckshit that happened at work. And I thought about the cosmic scale of things. I thought about my goals and aspirations in life. I thought about the end and the beginning.

I thought about the vastness of the universe

and my minute role in it...

And I asked myself, "Where does my job fit in here?" And after a few seconds of contemplative silence I realized that it didn't. So there's no reason to be stressed out about fucking up. Because on the scale of things I personally give a damn about, my current job isn't even on it. And I know this may sound like the same conclusion an angsty teen would come up with but it's the fucking truth. Never in my life have I aspired to work in fast food. I don't knock anyone who does but that's just simply not my cup of tea. It never has been and never will be my goal in life.

Don't get me wrong. There's never a dull day and I've definitely gained life experience. But this ain't the end. It's the first ladder on the rung.

As long as I go in there and give it my all every day. As long as I treat those customers like my best friends. As long as I don't allow any of them to give any shit to my coworkers or any shit to each other, I'm staying true to myself and that's all that matters.

So my conclusion is fuck it. I don't give a flying fuck if they fire me. I’ve got what I need to move on.

Some things just ain't worth worrying our pretty little heads over.

In conclusion, keep your pretty little heads up, don't take any shit from anyone, and have a great day.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Rising Suns and ... Twenty-One Guns?

Hey, guys. I'm doing too hot this morning.

I feel melancholic.
I feel lost.
I'm exactly who I never wanted to become. Undisciplined. Unexercised.
I'm only doing things out of obligation.

Goddamit...

I feel like a shell of myself.

Something ain't right, here...
© 20th Century Fox

I feel like a fucking loser. I know it's all just a matter of perspective, but when I look on the bright side I find myself wishing that I'd done it sooner. And worrying that I'll fall back into negativity.

And then I eventually do...

I don't know what to do. I know what I want. But I feel tied down onto a personality and life that will keep me from it.

Should I just walk away?

Can I just walk away?

Of course I can. All it takes is one step at a time. And courage.

There's always a shining sun over the horizon. But you won't see it until you get to the top of the hill.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Some Songs I've Been Jamming of Late

It's past due I give some commentary on what I've been listening to. I want to put some suggestions in you guys' ears.

1. All Hail the Yeti - Slow Season

All Hail the Yeti is a relatively underground metalcore band from Los Angeles. They lean more towards the 'melody and clean vocals' end of the metalcore spectrum. They have spectacular choruses, amazing solos, and abrupt breakdowns. Things sometimes get a bit 'poppy' but the vocalist can definitely tear it up in the screaming department. (And he also hosts a metal themed tattoo show.)

The band are experts at blending a slow, groovy punk sound with more aggressive, relentless death metal riffs and vocals. For example, 'Slow Season' opens up with the vocalist shrieking and the guitar squealing. It wouldn't be out of place as the score for some amped up 2000s horror movie (Think House of 1000 Corpses.) Then the chorus transitions to power chords and crooning vocals. It kinda sounds like you're listening to the desperate cries of someone in said horror movie. It's a jarring transition, but they pull it off. And that's what so awesome about All Hail the Yeti.

2. Kane Brown - Heaven

Truth be told, I don't know why I like this song so much. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. Whenever the house gets quiet enough, you best believe I'm hooking up to the speaker and blasting this song.

The lyrics get right to the point and I like it. Being with the perfect girl feels like Heaven. I agree with that so I can't help but sing along. Kane's voice is offputtingly deep at first but it grows on you. Then again so is the Man in Black's so maybe that's a plus.

3. The Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes

Every time you listen to this song you catch something you didn't hear before. Whether it be something new about the lyrics or something cool about the music. Michael McDonald has one of the most enchanting voices I've ever heard. No one sounds like him. That keyboard intro is unmistakable. Whenever you hear it out in the wild you already know what time it is. And the drummer is playing a nice-sounding setup. I love it.

Also, the lyrics are very relatable. I don't want to become the guy singing this song, but I already ain't too far from it. I can see the scenario playing out in my head right now. Oh, brother. Next song.

4. Dierks Bentley - What Was I Thinkin'

Yup, more country! This is a fun song. The riff that plays throughout this song gets stuck in my head every time I hear it. Then I find myself whistling it. And then eventually I have to listen to the song again. And the lyrics roll right off the tongue. The guy's singing about having a good time despite the consequences. (Which is my motto.) Sometimes you just gotta turn off your brain and live it up a little bit. And this song definitely puts me in the mood to do just that. Crank it up.

5. Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day

How many people can say they've had their life changed by a Nickelback song?

Nickelback gets a bad rap. Which honestly isn't completely unwarranted. There was a period where they tried to blend nü-metal lyrics with a southern rock sound and that led to more than a few dogshit songs. But there's always a recurring theme in their more serious songs - living the best life you possibly can and being kind to others.

The opening lyrics to this particular song are - "My best friend gave me the best advice / He said each day's a gift and not a given right."

Anecdote Time

Back in college, I used to get up around 5 AM to go meditate. And every morning I would see this student who was wheelchair bound. He would take the very first shuttle downtown every morning. He was the friendliest, but I never knew how to talk to him. I would greet him and it would always be awkward. He had a reputation as one of the nicest people on campus. So I decided I was going to build a relationship with him. Eventually, I changed my schedule and our paths stopped crossing. I would occasionally still see him. I still intended to build some sort of relationship.

One day I got an e-mail from the school saying one of the students had been in a bad accident. I opened up the attached news article and it was the same guy. That morning he was crossing the road downtown and was hit by a truck. He passed away an hour later.

That messed with my perspective on life.

He was just going about his everyday routine when his life suddenly ended. He didn't know that he was going to die. None of us know when we're going to die. Not even me. I don't know when my time is up, so I have to make the most out of every second, every hour, every day. So why the fuck would I put off anything I want to do with that knowledge?

I really understand that line now. "Each day's a gift and not a given right." Those words are on my phone's background now. Sometimes I'm having a shit day and I think of that and it just fills me with joy. I know that I may not have the time to give a shit about the small things in life. It keeps me giving my 100% because I don't know if it's my last chance to do it.

So this Nickelback song helped me to change my life.

What Do You Think?

Those are some songs I've been listening to of late. Got any songs that you want to share? Feel free to leave them in the comments.

Peace.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Working Class Snobs With Stupid Ass Jobs

What the fuck is up? It's been forever since I posted here. I've been neglecting y'all, but I promise I'll be a better man. I'm gonna post more frequently and keep bringing the funnies. And you know why?

But without further adieu and ass-kissing, let's get on to what we do best here. Talking about my morning -

Thursday, April 18, 2019: How It Feels to Be the Man of Steel

Of late this place has been dead as the Walking Dead's viewership. And you know why? I succumbed to the pressure that comes with all long-term content creation. I started having less time to post. Then I started worrying that whatever I posted would be shitty and no one would read it. And that lead to me making a grand total of three posts last month. This was supposed to be a daily thing and I worried myself into complacence. Because I was worried the eight readers I used to get would hate my posts and not want to ever read again.

Well, the only thing people hate is inconsistency. Like how when sometimes you go to Taco Bell the food is good and you have a nice time but sometimes the food is bland and you immediately get diarrhea.

People want to know what they can expect.

"So are we leaving off the 'six painful hours

on the toilet later' this time or no?"

Also I just remembered that this is my blog in the first place. If I want to run it into the ground with shitposts I can.

So without further adieau, here's my journal entry from this morning -

I've just finished my incantations. And I feel like I have the power of God and my unlocked mind flowing throughout my body. I can use this vessel to the fullest of it's capacity today. I feel all of the strength I have been given upon this Earth, right now.

I know that even if I stumble or stutter in my words, I can continue to move forward with 100% conviction.

And I will destroy everything that stands in my way.

How it feels when you do those incantantations just right.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Monday, April 8, 2019: Hypothetical Drinking and Low-Pitched Shrieking

Hey, y'all.

I'm sitting out here listening to Brandy.

I kinda wish I had some Brandy to loosen my nerves. But that sure as hell ain't happening no time soon. Or maybe it will. We'll see. I may just be singing 'You're a fine girl!' if I see a bottle. Right as I kiss the rim.

"What a fine wife you would be!"

But enough about my hypothetical future alcoholism.

I've never talked about this but I always spit over my shoulder when I'm sitting up here. And sometimes I just barely miss my clothes. Well, this morning I finally spit right onto my fucking jacket. And it wasn't a couple spittles, I got the whole fucking loogie on my shoulder. I couldn't do anything but laugh and say 'Well, it's about fucking time this happened. You dance in traffic, you'll eventually get grazed.'

So that was a fucking highlight this morning.

I wrote a song too. I thought it was going to be about how I feel like I should be living it up because I could die any day. But it really turned into the "Ballad of Fuck You, Dad".

Speaking of ballads, YouTube just auto-played Holy Diver. Good! I feel like this is the perfect song for the credits of any movie no matter the genre or the rating. I guarantee we'd have been less torn up about Leo dying in Titanic if we had Dio to headbang to after the screen went black.

"What the fuck? Did Luke just - Mmhm! Yeah, yeah!"

Honestly, Dio is the whole reason I have the beautiful singing voice I have.

When I picked up Holy Diver and heard him tearing up those notes on 'Caught in the Middle," I decided that I had to learn how to carry a tune, too. But after a while I started focusing on death growling instead. I have no clue which is easier to learn. But I'm definitely better at the latter...

From my debut LP

So I have to thank Lord Dio for that.

And Dio looks down from the throne of Heaven to bless me for my devotion.

I feel like I can go on 50 different tangents and not get anywhere so I'm going to end this shit right here.

Peace out and rock on.