Saturday, April 13, 2019

Monday, April 8, 2019: Hypothetical Drinking and Low-Pitched Shrieking


Hey, y'all.

I'm sitting out here listening to Brandy.



© Epic Records



I kinda wish I had some Brandy to loosen my nerves.  But that sure as hell ain't happening no time soon. Or maybe it will. We'll see. I may just be singing 'You're a fine girl!' if I see a bottle. Right as I kiss the rim.



"What a fine wife you would be!" 



But enough about my hypothetical future alcoholism.

I've never talked about this but I always spit over my shoulder when I'm sitting up here. And sometimes I just barely miss my clothes. Well, this morning I finally spit right onto my fucking jacket. And it wasn't a couple spittles, I got the whole fucking loogie on my shoulder.  I couldn't do anything but laugh and say 'Well, it's about fucking time this happened. You dance in traffic, you'll eventually get grazed.'

So that was a fucking highlight this morning.

I wrote a song too. I thought it was going to be about how I feel like I should be living it up because I could die any day. But it really turned into the "Ballad of Fuck You, Dad".




Reading back over it felt a bit like this.
© Dreamworks


Speaking of ballads, YouTube just auto-played Holy Diver. Good! I feel like this is the perfect song for the credits of any movie no matter the genre or the rating. I guarantee we'd have been less torn up about Leo dying in Titanic if we had Dio to headbang to after the screen went black.




"What the fuck? Did Luke just - Mmhm! Yeah, yeah!"



Honestly, Dio is the whole reason I have the beautiful singing voice I have.


When I picked up Holy Diver and heard him tearing up those notes on 'Caught in the Middle," I decided that I had to learn how to carry a tune, too. But after a while I started focusing on death growling instead. I have no clue which is easier to learn. But I'm definitely better at the latter...



From my debut LP

© Joseph Smith



So I have to thank Lord Dio for that.



And Dio looks down from the throne of Heaven to bless me for my devotion.
© Red Hour


I feel like I can go on 50 different tangents and not get anywhere so I'm going to end this shit right here.

Peace out and rock on. 


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