Quickie: 3 Years Hollow - Chemical Ride Music Video Confusion

Note: This isn't the 3 Years Hollow review, I just realized that I was taking way too much time breaking down the music video. Instead of deleting all of this, I decided to make a new post.

© Imagen Records

This music video was the most WTF shit I've seen in a while. Not in a surreal, "What's going on?" kind of way. But more in a "Why would they do this, who let them do this?" kind of way.



First off this video is from 2011, yet it has a Davenport location tag. YouTube didn't allow location tags until 2017. These bros are so proud of their Davenport heritage that they went back and put that tag on a video that was already SIX YEARS OLD.  

And I'm all for repping your hometown, but Davenport, Iowa? Do you know what comes up when I Google Search "Davenport Celebrities?" Celebrity Style Wigs and Accessories of Davenport. No one is from Davenport.

Just to really hammer the point home, I type in 'Des Moines Celebrities' and I get Brandon Routh, Corey Taylor, and a couple gymnasts. At least something comes up. So right off the bat the bar has been set very low with this shit. And somehow it drops.

You ever wonder why bands always have random actors be the protagonists in their music videos? I always did until I watched this shit. I wouldn't want my face associated with the narrative of this wonky music video.

So in the video the lead singer is banging this chick. And then she brings him a pregnancy test (it's clearly positive) and they're all happy and embracing. (This lasts for at least five seconds, it's kind of drawn out.) Then we see more happy footage. The dude buys her jewelry. They make out in the snow. They roll around in bed and shit like that. All of this is intercut with the woman driving in the car crying her eyes out. And then the lady shoots herself. Like out of nowhere we see a gun, a few more seconds of happy footage, next second gunshot, lady is dead. And the video ends with the lead singer visiting her grave with a little girl (which I'm pretty sure is supposed to be their baby.)  

 What the fuck did I miss?

So I rewatched. Apparently they get into a fight over some papers. I don't know what the fuck was on them, but they pissed her off enough to make her run off. And then she T-Boned another car? But the way it's shot her head flies back and there's a sound effect of a gun chamber emptying. Which I guess makes more sense than her just randomly shooting herself.

I believe the big issue here was the directing. The crash and the argument are really quick cuts. But then we have a two second shot of my man eating on the bed.

 I honestly laughed out loud at this...

This video was really confusing. If I hadn't watched again with keen eyes I wouldn't have know what the fuck was going on. And to be fair, it wasn't the bands fault. I'd blame the George Lucas of the video - Davo Paul.

Mononymous so you can't find his ass...

Honestly, this dude dropped the ball on this video. 

But anyway stay tuned for the full review on Sunday.

Alphabetically Reviewing My Music Collection Week 2: 3 Inches of Blood

Alright, welcome back! This is an ongoing series where I alphabetically go through my music collection and tell you guys what I think. Last week we looked at my 3 Doors Down collection.

This week we're tackling 3 Inches of Blood!

Think Amon Amarth, if Amon Amarth had the vocal range of Priest, the shredding of Maiden and the lyrics of ...

Steel Panther. Yeah, these guys are moderate at best in the lyrical department. The lyrics can range from really catchy to ... you'll see.

Metal Woman

 © Century Media Records

This song kicks off with a bass riff. That's a win in my book. Mere seconds in the vocalist is showing off an impressive. But the lyrics are - cringeworthy. The video makes it ten times worse. And I get it. leather is awesome, metal is awesome, sounding like Priest is badass. But the thing about Judas Priest's more sexualized songs is that they're written from a sort of ambiguous point of view. They could be about a man or a woman. That stopped Halford from ever shrieking about high-heels, lipstick, and long nails. I can't help but laugh at the line "Demon in the sack" being screamed like it's a battle cry. Something about this vocal style don't really work with that kind of subject matter. 

Machine guns and war? Yeah. Slaying orcs in the heart of Mordor? Shit yes! Studded leather on a fineass metal babe? Not so much. Save that for Pop Evil. I find the lyrics a little bit easier to stomach if you just imagine they're singing about some kind of iron succubus or something a little more badass.

 Gwyneth Paltrow works...

© Marvel

My Sword Will Not Sleep

Yup, this is one of their most popular songs. And boy is it capital 'B' badass. I've never experienced a band that uses stereo channels like 3 inches of Blood. During the intro the riffing and the drumming are played in separate ears. (Take off one earbud and listen for yourself.) And then everything just melds together with one long Halford-esque scream. 

And as far as the lyrics go, this is one of their best. Just listen. I don't know what the antagonist of this song did, but they pissed off the singer. And he's going to kill them for it. And their family. And their friends. They clearly should not have fucked with this man.

© Comedy Central

That's some gangsta-ass shit.

Leather Lord

 © Century Media Records

 

This song shreds.  There's a breakdown from like 1:05 to 2:20. And there's a vocal part three minutes in that kicks off a badass outro. This song is awesome. Except for the chorus. The chorus is terrible. Now, I don't know who the fuck the Leather Lord is but he sure as hell ruined this track.  Every time these guys were starting to sound badass they just had to transition right back to generic Judas Priest tribute band.  

No. 

Don't do this shit. I have too many songs left on this album.

 

Chief and The Blade

 

Ah. The oft maligned but never forgotten instrumental track. I've never understood these. Are they filler? Are they jam sessions that never become songs? What is the point of these?

 © Tootsie Roll Industries

Nevertheless, this one is pretty catchy and it sounds like the whole band (minus the vocalist) is playing. It definitely fits the vibe of the album, (despite not seguing into the next song.) I could definitely picture a viking party jamming this on medieval instruments as they sail away from a successful raid.

 

Dark Messenger

 

Alright, this shit kicks off with an acoustic guitar riff. It's fast as hell. Too fast for acoustic. It transitions to electric. Cool and good. 

Then they start back up on that Judas Priest shit.

I like Judas Priest. You like Judas Priest. I'm not saying that Judas Priest is the only band that should use this vocal style. It's just kind of off-putting when these guys were death-growling and chugging just two songs ago.  

I honestly was about to turn the song off, then they started pounding those axes like the Vikings they are. This song has the best dual guitar solo (So far, just sit tight.) on the album. Unfortunately the lyrics sound like something written by a high-schooler who just discovered Lord of the Rings. But hey, it could be worse.

They could have just discovered Motley Crüe and BDSM simultaneously.

Look Out

 

  © Century Media Records

Now this is how you do a tribute right! The chorus comes right out of an Iron Maiden song. The solo and outro sound just like Diamond Head. I love it. Why is it any different than them sounding like Priest before? They at least keep a consistent sound throughout. The riffing and high-pitched singing isn't interrupted with chugging and death-growling. This song is a classic heavy metal epic all the wav throughout. After all, the name of the album is Long Live Heavy Metal. Maybe I'm being too hard on these bros.

Editor's Note: Fitting as this song is a tribute to none other than Lord of Heavy Metal Ronnie James Dio! Unfortunately, I didn't know this when I was writing the above.

4,000 Torches 

 

This track is badass. It's about a spy being caught in the night by enemy forces only to see his 4,000 countrymen galloping down the mountains all carrying torches. Imagine if in First Blood, right before those Viet Cong cut into Rambo's chest he looked out the window and saw 4,000 American tanks plowing through the rice fields. That's basically what this song is about! 

Side note, the one thing 3 Inches of Blood has in common with Amon Amarth is that when they write about something, they go all in on the concept. Every war cry is layered with gang vocals. The song is literally the story of a battle with the solo being the bridge between the main battle and the aftermath. They make you feel like you're there fighting alongside them. Which is insane because they weren't there either!

This song is really evocative of another classic heavy metal band. Apart from the vocals it sounds exactly like Kill Em' All era Metallica. At this point, we'll call that an accident. It doesn't detract from the song either way.

Leave It On The Ice

This shit pounds right out of the gate. It's another tale of an epic battle. But this time it's a one on one.  The double bass and the chugging put you right in the middle of it. You're locking eyes and smashing faces. It's a fucking war. You're a belligerent hockey player duking it out on the ice.

  Hockey: The most metal sport.

 © Evolve Media

Die For Gold (Upon the Boiling Sea IV)

This song is the band's fourth in a saga that tells the tale of a greedy sea captain in search of riches. It would be blasphemy for me not to recommend the first three. (1, 2, 3.) I'm not going to spoil the story in case you guys actually want to follow the narrative. This song riffs a little harder than the rest of the tracks and the solo is groovy as a smoothy. I'm not sure if it was written for the same album as the other installments but it somewhat feels like it.

Storming Juno

 © Century Media Records

This song is directly inspired by the story of three Canadians that stormed Normandy during D-Day.  But the song itself is more reminiscent of D-Day and war itself. The pre-chorus has the vocalist switching between his scream and his Halford voice. It's amazing. And the outro just screams feels. The vocalist belts out and the guitarists sweep up and down. The one thing these guys didn't make sound badass was fighting during D-Day. They made that shit sound horrifying and scarring. Rightfully so, I guess.

Men of Fortune

 

The best intro riff on the album hands down. It's so badass both guitarists join in. In contrast, this track is arguably the most tame. Yet somehow it's the most inspiring. It's about glory and being destined to chase it and obtain it.  Around three minutes in, the track progresses into this slow, somber-sounding piece. And right when you think they've completely mellowed out, they start chanting and the shredding kicks back in. This is a true song of the gods and vikings. This track ends with the same riff it begins with. I'm a sucker for that.

One for the Ditch

The last song on the album is another instrumental. And a damn good one. Everyone goes in on this bad boy. I know this had to arise out of a badass jam session.  I'm not spoiling a thing. Click it and listen.

My Takeaways

So while doing this review I found out quite a bit about these guys. One, these guys are very well-known for being the long-bearded NWOBHM tribute band. Their lyrics are also purposely over the top, which is why some of them are actually well-written. Two, these guys changed vocalists a few times and the first guy complimented the Halford-esque squealing far better than the guy on this album. But, I like this band, alot. I'm a huge fan of NWOBHM and this band obviously is, too. I don't really get the death-growling and the intentionally over-the-top lyrics but it's good to know they don't take themselves too seriously. I'd definitely recommend this band to other people and I know I'm going to be checking out more of their stuff.  The biggest and best takeaway is that their first album is fucking amazing.




Next week -


3 Years Hollow!

Alphabetically Reviewing My Music Collection Week 1: 3 Doors Down

So over the past couple of years, I've accumulated a metric ass-ton of music. Whether that be digital or physical copies, I've got a helluva lot of music. This morning I was just scrolling through my phone looking at all of the shit I don't listen to anymore trying to figure out a way to respark that relationship. Well, I've been trying to get back into reviewing music of late. Unfortunately, to little success. What better way to smash those two birds with one stone than to catalog through my music collection alhabetically, analyzing every single artist?

I can think of at least five off the top of my head, but whatever.
© Shutterstock

Let's hop right into it. 

Today's band is going to be Three Dog Night!

© Getty Images

Yeah right. 

You read the title. I'm going to be looking at three 3 Doors Down songs. (A fitting number.)

Kryptonite 

© Universal Music Group

I'mma start by saying this intro reminds me of a marching band. Can't you just picture the little drummer boy playing that opening drum fill? I know I can. 

Superman and Jesus are basically the same guy anyway...

I like this song. It's a crime that it wasn't in Man of Steel. One of my fondest childhood memories is of me repeatedly belting the chorus out at 12 AM only for my mum to scream for me to "Shut the fuck up!" My mum never swears. Good times.

Better Life 

© Universal Music Group

I was today years old when I discovered this song. This shit is funky. It has some interesting lyrics. Also, these guys straight-up lifted that break down riff from Annihilator. So bonus points for effective plagiarism.

© Roadrunner Records

And if you aren't familiar with Annihilator, oh don't worry. You will be by the end of this.

You will be.

Anyways, on to the next song.

Loser

© Universal Music Group

Yup, the sad boy anthem. Somehow, I never heard this song growing up. YouTube kept trying to sneak it into my nostalgia mix but I'd skip it every time. I finally cracked and listened to it. And listened to it. and listened to it again. And then it was stuck in my head for the next couple of days. This song is catchy as fuck to be so depressing. After all, who hasn't felt like this at some point in their life? Even if just for one shitty afternoon. It's a good track.

Songs I Wish I Had / I've Heard Before

I actually only have three of their songs. But back before the city castrated our rock station, they played the fuck out of "When I'm Gone." That shit is dope. My first introduction to them was "It's Not My Time." VH1 used to play that video every morning when it first came out. Nowadays I always hear "Here Without You" on the radio. It's grown on me, but I don't really like it. Honestly, I think this band is too sappy. "Here Without You" is exactly that, so it's fitting that it gets the most airplay. And before anyone sends me angry emails claiming that they used to go hard, consider the fact that they're clearly not presenting themselves that way anymore. That's not my cup of tea.

Final Verdict

This band is a bit too sappy. There's a thin line between post-grunge and sounding like a downtuned little bitch. This band post-2007 seems like they crossed it. I'll go listen to Katatonia if I want to hear someone cry. At least they're sincere in their presentation. 

Next week's band - 3 Inches of Blood!

[Legacy Journal] February 4, 2018: Good Times and Obvious Lines

Heyyyy!


I'm getting ready to meditate as usual, and I feel rejuvenated. My jacket stinks, but that's okay. Today will be ...


today. 

 Obviously channeling my inner Captain Obvious...

© Expedia Group

I think I've got the pattern down [to having a good day.] And it's that there isn't a set pattern. So fuck adherence to laws. I will upturn the paths.


And this jacket fucking stinks...

 © Keep Calm O-Matic

I'm in Mr. Ditkovichs' class chilling before first period. I just sent off the Agenda for Wednesday's meeting. I felt anxious before. But, I feel the confidence, and the power flowing back into me. I'm going to knock this fucking week out of the park. It's almost inevitable.

Biatches.

 ©  Nickelodeon Studios

Of course I had a great day. The tall order is having a great one tomorrow...

To Sum Things Up...

Howdy.

© Gray Television, Inc.

Yeah, I know it's been a while. 

Pull up a seat, I've got some stories for you.


So last I left I was still making sandwiches. Fuck all that. I found out I was spending more money  than I was making doing that gig, so I fucked off. (And I mean fucked off.) After I left that place I did a month at the zoo. That was a good time. I met cool people, got into stupid arguments, and listened to tons of dope ass music. Cam Newton visited once and ribbed me about dancing to Rick Springfield. That was a good day.

My perspectives are different. Being in an position of authority has somehow resulted in me having even less respect for authority. I empathize with customer service and fast food workers. I'm not nearly as nervous around girls as I was before. Which tends to happen, when you realize the cutest girls can be ... annoying.

"Why yes I am sexy, but the price is still three dollars, babe."

© Getty Images

I've drank, I've fought, I've cried, I've sang with strangers and friends alike. My mentor would be proud.

He's smiling down at me from heaven...

© Pictorial Press

 
So many changes, yet I'm still the same person. At least fundamentally. Strange ain't it?


Want to hear some more about it? I'll be back.

Eventually...

My Colognes Ranked

When thinking of things to write for the blog, I remembered the advice that you should write about things that you're passionate about. And you guys know I love music, and self-help (I even have another blog for that.) But there's one thing even I didn't realize I was so passionate about. Cologne.
Over the past couple of years, I've built up quite a collection of colognes, perfumes, and even a few oils. It's gotten to the point that I wouldn't be caught dead without some kind of scent on me. So why not write about my favorite and (least favorite) fragrances? 

I've dug up my oily bag of scents and I'm going to categorize and rank these bad boys. Starting with -

9.  Just Like (Is Not Connected In Any Way With) Polo

Type: Toilette

Price: (This is a Family Dollar brand which can only be found in store.) $3.00.

If I were ranking these off of bottle design alone, this one would win hands down. I love the fact that the nub on the cap has the Earth engraved on it. You better believe that this is the only cologne I have whose top I actively search for when it goes missing. 

That said the main reason this one is my least favorite is that it's too loud. You see, there's a rule of thumb when applying fragrance that goes, if you can smell it, everyone else can definitely smell it. Sometimes this one chokes me with how loud it is. And it isn't even a particularly distinct fragrance. It actually smells kind of cheap. So if I spray too much, I wind with a cloud of cheap-smelling musk following me all day. Which is admittedly what you should probably expect for a $2.95 cologne from the dollar store.

8. Dark Noir Red (Imitation of Drakkar Noir Red)

Type: Toilette

Price: This only comes bundled with After-Shave and Body Wash, and it's been discontinued.  The latest listing was $10.00.

This one suffers from the same thing as the Just Like. It's too loud. It's probably louder than the Just Like. Hell, it's probably the loudest fragrance I own. And it doesn't even have a cool ass bottle to boot. But it does have one saving grace. It's cherry-scented.

In the morning, I typically just grab the first of my colognes I see and put it on, but there's been many times when I've specifically picked this one out. And it's also one of my go-to travel scents. If you ever catch me out of town, there's a fifty-fifty chance I'm going to smell like a walking cherry. But seriously, I'm not trying to suffocate everyone around me.


7. Ralph Lauren Polo Red White & Blue

Type: Toilette

Price: It's been discontinued but the cheapest I could find was $85.00.

By now, you've probably noticed a pattern. Most of my colognes are cheap. That's because they're usually gifts. This breaks that trend. And it's a perfect example of why none of the other ones will. This cologne doesn't really smell like anything in particular.  It's one of the oldest I have right now, and it's never been my favorite. I think every single cologne I've had (even the previous two) spent some time as the only one I would wear (even if it was just for a few days). Except for this one.  I know other people can smell it because I've gotten compliments, but it just ain't my cup of tea.  I don't know if the fragrance has flattened, or if I apply it wrong but it's never been one I liked. And the bottle peeled like an orange...



6. (An Imitation of) Cool Blue For Men

Type: Toilette

Price: Likely from $15.00 to $25.00.

Unfortunately, the label on this one is so faded that I don't know exactly what it is. From what I can tell it's definitely a version of Cool Blue and Cool Waters.  I've had it for a long while, and over the years I've sort of become indifferent towards it. It's not my best fragrance, but unlike the Polo, it damn sure smells like something. Nonetheless, it has too much of a generic smell in my opinion. Meh.



5. Halle Berry Pure Orchid

Type: Parfum

Price: $35.00 (0.5 oz) - $100.00 (1.7 oz)

This is the only perfume I'll wear.  After my very first bottle of cologne finally ran out, I raided mom's cabinet for a scent I liked. And this was the one I picked. I wound up liking it so much that I still have it. 

 It's not loud enough for it to smell like a women's fragrance. It has just enough of a hint of orchid that it screams 'nature.' Which I find to be manly in a subversive way. I only really use it when I want to have a less noticeable smell (job interviews, work). I think mom may have stolen it back though because I can't find it! (And after seeing the price, I may understand why!)

From here on out we're talking about my favorite ones. Objectivity is going out of the door.

4. Secret Collection 365° For Men (Imitation of Perry Ellis 360°)

Type: Parfum

Price: $15.00

 I got this cologne as graduation gift right before I went on a cruise. And through the mystical forces of nostalgia every time I wear it, I'm reminded of being on the sea, eating free food and hanging with cool people. I'm admittedly pretty biased towards it. Still, it's probably one of the best smells I have. It can be too strong if you don't apply it right, but it's pleasant enough not to be off-putting if you do. 

3.  Oils (Creed and Egyptian Musk)

Type: Fragrance Oil

Price: $5.00 (Egyptian Musk) | $11.00 (Oil Perfumery Impression 10ml Vial) | $210.00 (Official 2.5 Oz Bottle) 

On that same cruise, I met a Muslim crew member who told me about body oils. He had on Egyptian Musk Body Oil and it was the best fragrance I had ever smelled in my life.  In that moment I decided that I had to have that exact fragrance for myself. Luckily, there's a Pan-African shop in my neighborhood that sells tons of oils. I only wanted the Egyptian Musk, but the sales guy wanted me to buy them in bulk so he marked them up. (They would have been $2 each if I bought five. He wanted to charge me $7 for one, but instead wound up charging me $5 for two. Fuck that guy.) So I wound up buying Creed, too. These things are the epitome of a good fragrance. You apply them and they last all day. They're very strong, but you have to be close to the wearer to smell them. Not to mention, the two smells I picked are amazing.



1. Adidas Dynamic Pulse

Type: Toilette

Price: $7.00

This is the big one. But why? Hell, it wasn't until two or three weeks ago, I really started appreciating this one. You see, I like a nice smell. One that isn't too generic. One that you can describe as something other than 'generic' or 'nice.' One that isn't too strong, cause that kills it for me (and everyone around me.) Dynamic Pulse is the perfect antithesis of those things. It smells sporty, like if someone made that new shoe smell into a fragrance. It's only strong enough for you to smell it right when you put it on. The bottle is easy to handle and the spray nozzle makes it so you can't overspray it. Also, it's perfect for travel with no chance of the bottle leaking, sweating, or cracking. Also, it's seven fucking dollars. If you've got some pocket change, you've got to check
this shit out. 

February 3, 2018: Feel Good Meditation and Footnotes About Relaxation

Much needed context:

Long story short, I started this blog to archive my collection of journal entries dating back to January of last year. Back then I was still in Highschool, and I mostly wrote about my struggles with socializing, math and being in an organization.

Further context for this post is provided in these posts - Explanation of What I'll Be Doing On This Blog | The Very First One

Much needed context ends here.

Good morning. It's your friendly neighborhood introvert here. I was meditating this morning, thinking about the happy times in my life. And a wave of very melancholic nostalgia hit me. I started crying. I'm an emotional person, even though I hide it. I'd be crying every couple of hours if I didn't think other people would call me weak.

My aunt and cousin dropped by in the middle of my meditation, and for once we had an amazing interaction. I felt as if I'd reached the golden me. My voice is uniform. My mind is clear, and my paths are set. That's the goal of meditation.

Yesterday's trip [to the Mercedes Benz Stadium] was rough. The trip ended with the school police searching the bus for some shit someone stole from the event. 

This morning I feel rested because I slept until 6:00. Today, I have to host a program at Tri-Cities HS and break the news to Johnson that I'm failing the fuck out of English and Math. Fuck my decisions.

©  Nickelodeon Animation Studios

I'm at the Tri-Cities program and I'm fine, apart from the fact that I've made some pretty bad first impressions. And I'm not wearing the organization's colors in the slightest. And I'm the only guy who showed up. It feels awkward as fuck.