[Legacy Journal] February 4, 2018: Good Times and Obvious Lines

Heyyyy!


I'm getting ready to meditate as usual, and I feel rejuvenated. My jacket stinks, but that's okay. Today will be ...


today. 

 Obviously channeling my inner Captain Obvious...

© Expedia Group

I think I've got the pattern down [to having a good day.] And it's that there isn't a set pattern. So fuck adherence to laws. I will upturn the paths.


And this jacket fucking stinks...

 © Keep Calm O-Matic

I'm in Mr. Ditkovichs' class chilling before first period. I just sent off the Agenda for Wednesday's meeting. I felt anxious before. But, I feel the confidence, and the power flowing back into me. I'm going to knock this fucking week out of the park. It's almost inevitable.

Biatches.

 ©  Nickelodeon Studios

Of course I had a great day. The tall order is having a great one tomorrow...

To Sum Things Up...

Howdy.

© Gray Television, Inc.

Yeah, I know it's been a while. 

Pull up a seat, I've got some stories for you.


So last I left I was still making sandwiches. Fuck all that. I found out I was spending more money  than I was making doing that gig, so I fucked off. (And I mean fucked off.) After I left that place I did a month at the zoo. That was a good time. I met cool people, got into stupid arguments, and listened to tons of dope ass music. Cam Newton visited once and ribbed me about dancing to Rick Springfield. That was a good day.

My perspectives are different. Being in an position of authority has somehow resulted in me having even less respect for authority. I empathize with customer service and fast food workers. I'm not nearly as nervous around girls as I was before. Which tends to happen, when you realize the cutest girls can be ... annoying.

"Why yes I am sexy, but the price is still three dollars, babe."

© Getty Images

I've drank, I've fought, I've cried, I've sang with strangers and friends alike. My mentor would be proud.

He's smiling down at me from heaven...

© Pictorial Press

 
So many changes, yet I'm still the same person. At least fundamentally. Strange ain't it?


Want to hear some more about it? I'll be back.

Eventually...

My Colognes Ranked

When thinking of things to write for the blog, I remembered the advice that you should write about things that you're passionate about. And you guys know I love music, and self-help (I even have another blog for that.) But there's one thing even I didn't realize I was so passionate about. Cologne.
Over the past couple of years, I've built up quite a collection of colognes, perfumes, and even a few oils. It's gotten to the point that I wouldn't be caught dead without some kind of scent on me. So why not write about my favorite and (least favorite) fragrances? 

I've dug up my oily bag of scents and I'm going to categorize and rank these bad boys. Starting with -

9.  Just Like (Is Not Connected In Any Way With) Polo

Type: Toilette

Price: (This is a Family Dollar brand which can only be found in store.) $3.00.

If I were ranking these off of bottle design alone, this one would win hands down. I love the fact that the nub on the cap has the Earth engraved on it. You better believe that this is the only cologne I have whose top I actively search for when it goes missing. 

That said the main reason this one is my least favorite is that it's too loud. You see, there's a rule of thumb when applying fragrance that goes, if you can smell it, everyone else can definitely smell it. Sometimes this one chokes me with how loud it is. And it isn't even a particularly distinct fragrance. It actually smells kind of cheap. So if I spray too much, I wind with a cloud of cheap-smelling musk following me all day. Which is admittedly what you should probably expect for a $2.95 cologne from the dollar store.

8. Dark Noir Red (Imitation of Drakkar Noir Red)

Type: Toilette

Price: This only comes bundled with After-Shave and Body Wash, and it's been discontinued.  The latest listing was $10.00.

This one suffers from the same thing as the Just Like. It's too loud. It's probably louder than the Just Like. Hell, it's probably the loudest fragrance I own. And it doesn't even have a cool ass bottle to boot. But it does have one saving grace. It's cherry-scented.

In the morning, I typically just grab the first of my colognes I see and put it on, but there's been many times when I've specifically picked this one out. And it's also one of my go-to travel scents. If you ever catch me out of town, there's a fifty-fifty chance I'm going to smell like a walking cherry. But seriously, I'm not trying to suffocate everyone around me.


7. Ralph Lauren Polo Red White & Blue

Type: Toilette

Price: It's been discontinued but the cheapest I could find was $85.00.

By now, you've probably noticed a pattern. Most of my colognes are cheap. That's because they're usually gifts. This breaks that trend. And it's a perfect example of why none of the other ones will. This cologne doesn't really smell like anything in particular.  It's one of the oldest I have right now, and it's never been my favorite. I think every single cologne I've had (even the previous two) spent some time as the only one I would wear (even if it was just for a few days). Except for this one.  I know other people can smell it because I've gotten compliments, but it just ain't my cup of tea.  I don't know if the fragrance has flattened, or if I apply it wrong but it's never been one I liked. And the bottle peeled like an orange...



6. (An Imitation of) Cool Blue For Men

Type: Toilette

Price: Likely from $15.00 to $25.00.

Unfortunately, the label on this one is so faded that I don't know exactly what it is. From what I can tell it's definitely a version of Cool Blue and Cool Waters.  I've had it for a long while, and over the years I've sort of become indifferent towards it. It's not my best fragrance, but unlike the Polo, it damn sure smells like something. Nonetheless, it has too much of a generic smell in my opinion. Meh.



5. Halle Berry Pure Orchid

Type: Parfum

Price: $35.00 (0.5 oz) - $100.00 (1.7 oz)

This is the only perfume I'll wear.  After my very first bottle of cologne finally ran out, I raided mom's cabinet for a scent I liked. And this was the one I picked. I wound up liking it so much that I still have it. 

 It's not loud enough for it to smell like a women's fragrance. It has just enough of a hint of orchid that it screams 'nature.' Which I find to be manly in a subversive way. I only really use it when I want to have a less noticeable smell (job interviews, work). I think mom may have stolen it back though because I can't find it! (And after seeing the price, I may understand why!)

From here on out we're talking about my favorite ones. Objectivity is going out of the door.

4. Secret Collection 365° For Men (Imitation of Perry Ellis 360°)

Type: Parfum

Price: $15.00

 I got this cologne as graduation gift right before I went on a cruise. And through the mystical forces of nostalgia every time I wear it, I'm reminded of being on the sea, eating free food and hanging with cool people. I'm admittedly pretty biased towards it. Still, it's probably one of the best smells I have. It can be too strong if you don't apply it right, but it's pleasant enough not to be off-putting if you do. 

3.  Oils (Creed and Egyptian Musk)

Type: Fragrance Oil

Price: $5.00 (Egyptian Musk) | $11.00 (Oil Perfumery Impression 10ml Vial) | $210.00 (Official 2.5 Oz Bottle) 

On that same cruise, I met a Muslim crew member who told me about body oils. He had on Egyptian Musk Body Oil and it was the best fragrance I had ever smelled in my life.  In that moment I decided that I had to have that exact fragrance for myself. Luckily, there's a Pan-African shop in my neighborhood that sells tons of oils. I only wanted the Egyptian Musk, but the sales guy wanted me to buy them in bulk so he marked them up. (They would have been $2 each if I bought five. He wanted to charge me $7 for one, but instead wound up charging me $5 for two. Fuck that guy.) So I wound up buying Creed, too. These things are the epitome of a good fragrance. You apply them and they last all day. They're very strong, but you have to be close to the wearer to smell them. Not to mention, the two smells I picked are amazing.



1. Adidas Dynamic Pulse

Type: Toilette

Price: $7.00

This is the big one. But why? Hell, it wasn't until two or three weeks ago, I really started appreciating this one. You see, I like a nice smell. One that isn't too generic. One that you can describe as something other than 'generic' or 'nice.' One that isn't too strong, cause that kills it for me (and everyone around me.) Dynamic Pulse is the perfect antithesis of those things. It smells sporty, like if someone made that new shoe smell into a fragrance. It's only strong enough for you to smell it right when you put it on. The bottle is easy to handle and the spray nozzle makes it so you can't overspray it. Also, it's perfect for travel with no chance of the bottle leaking, sweating, or cracking. Also, it's seven fucking dollars. If you've got some pocket change, you've got to check
this shit out. 

February 3, 2018: Feel Good Meditation and Footnotes About Relaxation

Much needed context:

Long story short, I started this blog to archive my collection of journal entries dating back to January of last year. Back then I was still in Highschool, and I mostly wrote about my struggles with socializing, math and being in an organization.

Further context for this post is provided in these posts - Explanation of What I'll Be Doing On This Blog | The Very First One

Much needed context ends here.

Good morning. It's your friendly neighborhood introvert here. I was meditating this morning, thinking about the happy times in my life. And a wave of very melancholic nostalgia hit me. I started crying. I'm an emotional person, even though I hide it. I'd be crying every couple of hours if I didn't think other people would call me weak.

My aunt and cousin dropped by in the middle of my meditation, and for once we had an amazing interaction. I felt as if I'd reached the golden me. My voice is uniform. My mind is clear, and my paths are set. That's the goal of meditation.

Yesterday's trip [to the Mercedes Benz Stadium] was rough. The trip ended with the school police searching the bus for some shit someone stole from the event. 

This morning I feel rested because I slept until 6:00. Today, I have to host a program at Tri-Cities HS and break the news to Johnson that I'm failing the fuck out of English and Math. Fuck my decisions.

©  Nickelodeon Animation Studios

I'm at the Tri-Cities program and I'm fine, apart from the fact that I've made some pretty bad first impressions. And I'm not wearing the organization's colors in the slightest. And I'm the only guy who showed up. It feels awkward as fuck.

Changing Career Levels and Christian Death Metal

What's up?

I've been rolling around on the floor  for the better half of an hour.  I want to go back to sleep. I feel sleepy. But it just ain't happening. Besides, I've got a bit on my mind...

Well, it definitely isn't that...

© SMKEXCLSV

I applied for the zoo on Saturday. They called me yesterday and told me I got the job. So no more sandwich making.

I've got to tackle a whole new beast...

Two song puns in a row. Hey-oh!

© Columbia Records

I didn't apply to work with the animals, or do frontend service. I applied to work with the attractions. You know, the carousel, the slide, and all the shit you make grandma do with the kids when they get tired of walking around? And that's fine and dandy.  I'm damn good with people and I'm always developing my conflict resolution skills.  But despite having an eight-year old sibling, I don't consider myself the best with kids. 

"Goddamnit Billy! Could you use the ten words you know instead of being a little baby? Oh wait..."

© Getty Images

But hell, that's why I'm doing this. You have to start somewhere. What better place than here? What better time than now?

Plus if you've been reading this blog for the past couple of days you know it's turned into Joe's Adventures in Lackluster Employment. We can at least change that 'Lackluster' into 'Spectacular.'

And speaking of lackluster, I can’t find my tennis ball. I use it to exercise my chest and shoulders every morning. (It's an easy exercise if you want to check it out yourself.) I haven't really looked for it, yet. But this would be the first time I've had to.  It's a neon green ball the size of a fist. Nothing else in my house is that color. Eh, whatever.

In other news, I got up with the idea of writing a song reminiscent of "Eternal Eclispe." (All you need to know is that the opening lines are,"I hate humanity, and I will not hesitate to kill!") But I just don't have that kind of hatred in me. My biggest weakness is my love of people. I can definitely get angry at people from time to time. And a trip to Walmart on a Sunday will have anyone feelling misanthropic.  But the feeling never sticks. And I'll always have hope for the world.  I wouldn't get out of bed if I thought this world had gone to shit. Hell, that's what keeps me going.
But it's not exactly the right fuel for a good death metal song...

"I HAVE ENDLESS COMPASSION! 

MY LOVE IS EVERLASTING!"

© Dylon Schroeder Photography 

Well, it wouldn't necessarily be bad death metal. It would just be mediocre Christian Death Metal. And God knows we already have enough of that. I'm not jumping on that train.

But, anyway.

Peace the fuck out.

Uncovering These Illusions Is Always The Solution

Welcome back.  

I'm sitting here in my kitchen. I've been up for exactly 16 minutes. And boy it sure doesn't feel like it. I just got done with the things that I do every single morning. Folding up my sheets and my pillows brushing my teeth. Using the bathroom. And now here I am recording this.

The passion is real...

I've still got my job on my mind. You see, riding home yesterday I thought about the fuckshit that happened at work. And I thought about the cosmic scale of things. I thought about my goals and aspirations in life. I thought about the end and the beginning. 

I thought about the vastness of the universe 

and my minute role in it...

And I asked myself, "Where does my job fit in here?" And after a few seconds of contemplative silence I realized that it didn't. So there's no reason to be stressed out about fucking up. Because on the scale of things I personally give a damn about, my current job isn't even on it. And I know this may sound like the same conclusion an angsty teen would come up with but it's the fucking truth. Never in my life have I aspired to work in fast food. I don't knock anyone who does but that's just simply not my cup of tea. It never has been and never will be my goal in life. 

Don't get me wrong. There's never a dull day and I've definitely gained life experience. But this ain't the end. It's the first ladder on the rung.

As long as I go in there and give it my all every day. As long as I treat those customers like my best friends. As long as I don't allow any of them to give any shit to my coworkers or any shit to each other, I'm staying true to myself and that's all that matters.

So my conclusion is fuck it. I don't give a flying fuck if they fire me. I’ve got what I need to move on. 

Some things just ain't worth worrying our pretty little heads over.

In conclusion, keep your pretty little heads up, don't take any shit from anyone, and have a great day.

Rising Suns and ... Twenty-One Guns?

Hey, guys. I'm doing too hot this morning.

I feel melancholic.
I feel lost.
I'm exactly who I never wanted to become. Undisciplined. Unexercised.
I'm only doing things out of obligation.

Goddamit...

I feel like a shell of myself.

Something ain't right, here...
© 20th Century Fox

I feel like a fucking loser. I know it's all just a matter of perspective, but when I look on the bright side I find myself wishing that I'd done it sooner. And worrying that I'll fall back into negativity.

And then I eventually do...

I don't know what to do. I know what I want. But I feel tied down onto a personality and life that will keep me from it.

Should I just walk away?

Can I just walk away? 

Of course I can. All it takes is one step at a time. And courage.

There's always a shining sun over the horizon. But you won't see it until you get to the top of the hill.

© Rising Sun Photography