Why I Will (Almost) Never Delete Anything

My Facebook account says that I'm 31. 

Much shit has been made about this, to the point that it's fucking aggravating. I haven't used Facebook regularly since they flagged a meme I posted as "misleading" way back in 2020. It's for old people and data miners. I'm neither of those things. Yet.

I feel the urge to explain why the hell my Facebook account says I'm 31. But it boils down to the fact that they won't let me correct it and I'm not about to make another fucking Facebook account. I don't give a shit. It's funny. I'm clearly not 31. 

Anyways, I said all that to say this.

The internet is forever. Whatever you post can get screenshotted, archived, and preserved forever and ever and ever. And I personally have said some insane shit on the internet. My rule of thumb has always been to never post anything online that I wouldn't say in person. That becomes an issue when you realize the shit you'd say at 18 years old wouldn't even cross your mind at the age you are right now. 

Hell, half of the shit I've posted on this very blog is ridiculously embarrassing and expository. But I admire that. Somewhere along the line, I lost the ability to be so damn open. Not only did I lose that ability, but I've even been afraid of showing that kind of vulnerability. I'm in disbelief that I was actually openly talking about how I felt and posting it on the internet for anyone to see. I'm jealous of the 18-year-old who did that. I couldn't imagine hopping on here and being like "XYZ pissed me off at my job today and I got into a fistfight last night." I don't want to read that shit, and anyone who wants to read it is fucking weird.  

So in a way, seeing insane shit that I've posted on the Internet (especially stuff on this blog) helps me to see how I've grown as a person. Are there times when I wish that I hadn't said or posted certain things? Obviously yes. But the fact that I can look back on those things and say,"Oh my god, why the hell did I put that on the Internet?" shows me that not only have I matured as a person. It also proves to me that I probably have a lot more unforeseen maturing to do in the future. 

And also, I think I've repeated, again, and again, and again, that I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me as long as they're thinking about me. I came here to be remembered and if shit I did 10 years ago on the internet is having people approaching me in person right now, I think I may be doing something right. I record everything that I do, as a means of tracking my progression as a person. I firmly believe that the only person I should compare myself to; and be jealous of is myself. So honestly, when I see some stupid shit that I've posted online in the past, it makes me happy. I cringe hard. But after I cringe I can't help but be grateful that I'm aware enough not to post the same thing in the future. And the future is all I'm concerned with. 

The best thing about the future is that it's being created in real-time. 

By me.

I Don't Understand Anything About Halloween Ends

I watched Halloween Ends, and it honestly was so bizarrely bad that it felt like a fever dream. 

I stopped paying attention toward the end. I could not fathom how it was wrapping up the plot of Laurie Strode's daughter getting killed. I don't understand how this was supposed to be a satisfying final battle between Laurie and Michael. There was way too much new stuff going on. 

There was a guy who apparently got possessed or psychically linked to Michael and started killing people. With Michael's mask on! And then instead of just using her as a background character, Laurie's granddaughter straight-up falls in love with the guy. I mean, he fucking romances her. But he's also the killer. It makes no sense why the writers did this. Is it to say, "Michael is so evil and hates Laurie so much that he'll literally do magic to ruin her life!" Why is he suddenly possessing people? 

And why the hell did they decide to make the guy that Michael possesses the protagonist? He's the protagonist so he's straight-up likable, but then he just randomly starts killing people. It's like he's two different characters. This is an okay character, and it's okay to have someone like this in the movie, but why do we have to follow his life and watch him fall in love with Laurie's granddaughter? What does all of this have to do with Laurie and Michael finally facing off? 

You could've had him possess her granddaughter and Laurie would have to kill her. And that would kill Michael off forever but it would also make it so she has nobody left.  You can even throw the love interest back into the story. But don't show us their love story. Have him already be married to her. And that way, you could even have him get possessed too. But don't have Laurie's granddaughter fall in love with an unstable murderer. That makes no sense and makes everyone in the story look stupid. Why is there even a need for Michael to be possessing people? He didn't do that shit in the last two movies, so why is he suddenly doing magic? There's no memorable explanation given for this.  

I'mma stop ranting and go read the Wikipedia page.

I was wrong about there being magic, somehow I was very deeply confused about what the movie was visually trying to do. There's a point where the main character is getting choked to death by Michael Myers, and they lock eyes. And there's a spectacular flashback sequence. And then Michael lets the guy go. And the main character kills someone for the first time, like three minutes later. I interpreted the flashback sequence as meaning that Michael had possessed him or something. Apparently, that's not the case. But even Wikipedia didn't understand what the hell was going on -

Which, to me, means that this is more of a visual storytelling failure than me being stupid. 

With the added context of a Wikipedia synopsis, the story still makes no sense.

They made a new character who gets bullied and falls in love with the main character's granddaughter. But he also is Michael's friend and he even kills people with him! He even kills his bullies! But this is still the last Halloween movie, so he dies. 

Who let someone write their self-insert fanfiction into the script? Where is the rest of the movie? Is there going to be a director's cut? Can someone at least fanedit this into a proper movie?

I demand justice! Dammit!

All in all, it feels like Halloween ended in the background of another story.

Charles Oliveira is Going to Run Through Islam Makhachev

Edit: I've never been as close to crying while watching MMA as I was after watching Islam squeezing the life outta Charles. I still can't believe what that Russian did to our boy. I'm hoping and praying that Volk can knock Islam out and take that lightweight strap in February. But we'll see.

Charles Oliveira was a dirtpoor kid from a Brazilian favela. And if you don't know what a favela is, it's why like a slum but 20 time worse. Imagine the worse projects in your city but with no police, and twenty times bigger. Favelas can't even happen in most countries because of the Industrial Revolution. Those things are third world exclusives.

And I wasn't trying to be offensive when I said slum but 20 times worse. The man who introduces Charles to BJJ wound up murdered before Charles even got his first belt. These places are fucking dangerous, and it'd server you best to get the hell out of there. Which Charles did. And not only did he do that, but he made it to America and used his fighting skills to get to the biggest MMA promotion in the world. As a kid from a not so nice area (that isn't as bad as a favela, but still) coming from a place like that, making it on TV once would be enough. This guy came to Amercia, made it to the UFC,  and eventually became the champion of one of the most competitive mixed martial arts divisions ever. This guy has been through a lot. 

Now, I'll admit to having been a little bit skeptical as to whether Charles could take Khabib Jr. Even though Islam hasn't fought anyone in the top 5 of the lightweight division. Even though Charles is a ten-year veteran in the UFC. Even though when you look up BJJ vs. Sambo on YT you see a BJJ black belt outstriking and submitting a Sambo champion. 

Streetfights don't count though?

For some reason, I'm just finding out midway through writing this that this was a title fight. And that just reinforces the point I was going to make. You'd be a damn fool to fight Charles before he gets that belt back. Back in August, an article came out where Charles revealed that his father called him crying after he'd been stripped of the belt. I don't know if any of y'all have ever had to console your own father, but that provides a different kind of motivation. All of us have a little kid inside of us that just wants to make our dads proud. (I'd argue that it's why the last lightweight champ was so damn dominant.)  And now that Charles has been put back into that place as little kid in the favela wanting to make his parents proud. That same mental place that fueled his journey to America, and to the UFC and to the top of the lightweight division. We saw how angry we was when he was fighting Justin Gaethje. I would be absolutely terrified to get into that octagon with him. 

It's not that Islam is untalented or unmotivated. He's far as hell from that. He's not approaching this shit right at all. Unless he's going to try to immediately take Charles down, or immediately knock him out. I don't see Islam winning this one. I see him getting absolutely brutalized by an angry Brazilian.

Quo Vadis' Dead Man's Diary is Unintentionally Hilarious

Dude, melodic death metal will always have a special place in my heart. Especially melodic death metal that tells a story. So Quo Vadis' Dead Man's Diary has been one of my favorite songs since I first heard it. I love everything about it. I like that there's musical interludes for the feeling or apparition or rage that the protagonist feels whenever he touches the diary. I like the piano in that final interlude. I like the way everything is mixed, from the drum fills to the bass. This song is just musical perfection. Except for one thing.

The fucking lyrics.

Don't get me wrong, they're almost perfect too. They're atmospheric. The spoken whispering in the beginning perfectly incapsulates that feeling of a waking nightmare. Which is the point of the song. It's the tale of a curious man exploring a room and picking up an ancient book hoping that it holds forbidden knowledge. But all the while he knows that he feels something deeply wrong about it. It feels like the very book and the very room itself is threatening him to leave or something fucking terrible is going to happen. A nasty stench is filling the room. But of course the protagonist carries on an picks up the book. 

It's a black and white photo book / diary that contains a murder confession. And all the while the protagonist feels like the room, the wind, the very environment is threatening to murder him. But he keeps reading on. And then the fucking pages start flipping by themselves. 

I feel like this is the point where most of us would've went "Oh, shit this isn't my house.", and fake stumbled back out the door.

And then something begins to ink the last page of the diary with the current date, the protagonist's name and his cause of death. And instead of high-tailing it out of there, the guy closes his eyes in terror, looks up and sees a ghost.  And the ghost shoots him. Or at least that's the last thing he threatens to do before the song ends. You see the song leaves a lot of shit (which shouldn't be) open to interpretation. Apparently the ghost has the same face as the protagonist. The ghost, or apparition also repeatedly threatens to crucify and burn the protagonist alive. 

But not in this last stanza. In this last stanza, the not-so-disembodied voice says that he's going to "ram a bullet through his head." 

Hold on for a second here. The ghost went from threats of boiling him alive and nailing him to a piece of wood to just straight up shooting him. 

Can ghosts even do that? What? And it really, really does not help that this is the second to last line of the song, and the only thing that the ghost (or rage, or feeling) says differently when he actually appears. 

I'll help you to visualize this. The first threat is this -I'll hunt you down and punish your life, I'll nail you to the beams of red, I'll watch you bleed and beg for mercy. I'll savor the moment when our eyes will meet."

I couldn't even find an image that wasn't too X-Rated to post here...

The second threat is this - I'll hunt you down and punish your life, I'll nail you to the beams of red,

I'll burn your flesh, you will be covered with sores, I'll feel your pain as you scream for mercy.

And the last threat (and the last stanza of the song, I might add) is this -I'll hunt you down and punish your life, I'll nail you to the beams of red, I'll ram a bullet right through your head, I'll put an end to the misery.

Which y'know kinda implies that this ghost just appeared and headshotted this motherfucker. 

Wait a second. Just wait. 

Is this song about a man shooting himself because he felt guilty about murders he's committed? And the diary is his own diary and he's reading his own words? Does the presence share his face, because there is no apparition, and the threat is himself? Or is it sincerely about an unassuming man being killed by an evil spirit that inscribes his name in a diary? Is the horror in the fact that the song leaves it ambiguous? 

It's almost certainly the former upon going back and listening. This song isn't funny at all. This is fucking genius. 

But a short aside here. These guys are a perfect example that if you have a favorite band or group, you need to go see or hit up them fuckers while you can. No matter how good you are, the music industry can swallow you whole and spit you out. No one has heard from any of these fuckers since 2013. All you Deathcore fans, go see your boys, go to signings, and go to meet-and-greets and AMA's. In my research I've seen so many examples of uber-talented musicians just straight-up fucking disappearing after their careers fell apart. And this industry will leave you jaded as fuck,  not wanting to ever pick up your instrument again. I've barely written since I got into that publishing dispute last year. It took something out of me. I'm just a kid with a blog in the middle of nowhere. I can't fight any company. It's disheartening. So show your favorite musicians love and support on principle. If you ever cross over, the business side of this shit is not fun at fucking all, and is the biggest reason you see people with immense talent go back to working at Wal-Mart. I did a week of suit and tie shit and I'm done with them until I have enough money and time to get a lawyer.  

Never have I ever before found the true meaning of something because I was making fun of it. Maybe I should do this shit more often. I'mma start shitting on quantum mechanics so I can understand that shit more...

Do you idiots actually think that the next step in computing is applying abstract concepts of physics and science that most people don't even understand? You really think an open air system would be able to respond to stimuli being - It's actually fucking working, uh-oh.

   

Obviously this post is a bust, but I think I've just proved what a bunch of folks have already said over and over again. Humor is just the truth told in a quicker way...

The Proper Way To Do A Shared Universe

Yes, I Did Do Occult Shit

I mentioned in that Mercyful Fate post that I (largely inspired by King Diamond) dabbled with occult and Satanic nonsense. I do feel the need to specify that I was of the Luciferian breed of Satanism (which is just spectacled, flashy Atheism). I didn't believe in any hoodoo-voodoo nonsense or anything that couldn't be explained or wouldn't be able to be explained eventually. But through wanting to understand things deeper and deep meditation I found that there seems to be something, beyond. Something that you can indeed interact with if you follow the steps that the old priests, and houngans did. And it fucking works. Of course I always questioned whether I was just being paranoid or whether I was just being silly, but when other people claimed to feel an unexplainable feeling that I also felt. It confirmed my suspicions that I was doing something strange. And I didn't like it. There's nothing that will put the fear of god in you, like finding out that you are deeply, deeply wrong about everything and that there is possibly something out there beyond your understanding. Something beyond the explanation of science, or Catholicism. And then when that horror gets correlated by pretty reasonable folk, it makes you feel even more - terrified. 

You see, I'll never claim to know what the hell goes on beyond what I understand. But I do know what I've felt and experienced. And the horror comes from the lack of understanding. And I do subscribe to Nietzsche's old adage that the longer you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. And I've never, ever wanted to be more familiar with the nature of what I felt. I am but a man. Why would I desire to be in séance with some otherworldly force, or some power that I don't understand and cannot even accurately communicate with. I'm not Aleister Crowley, nor do I look up to him. I've never looked at any occult scholar or practitioner and said "I'd like to be like that guy." In fact the Crowleys and Rasputins, and others are representative of something I want to be furthest away from. They're pariahs of social unconformity and anarchic lawlessness. If what they understood or studied came to make them the way that they were, then I want nothing to do with. And I strongly advise anyone who doesn't want to end up that way to stray away from any occult study, or ritual, or practice as well. You can free your mind in other ways. You can gain understanding by studying some other kind of knowledge. 

A lot of people tell me that this sounds like a bunch of hokey-pokey nonsense, when I tell them about this. If it sounds like nonsense to you, I invite you to go and seek out the knowledge, seek out that practice. But don't do it in any place you'd like to remain in for a long time. 

The UFC 278 Main Event Was Astonishing

 

This isn't an MMA blog by any stretch of the imagination, but goddamn, where else do I gush about what I saw last night?

I never thought this would end like this. I'd never root for an Englishman, it just ain't in my nature. It doesn't matter that Kamaru Usman is one of the most cringeworthy athletes I can think of. He's one of my countrymen, and he's the reigning champion so I'm going to be in his corner. And I was rooting for him the whole fight. It also doesn't help that Edwards cheated a few times. It doesn't help that Edwards hasn't fought Colby, or Masvidal, or Burns. Come on, we all knew that Usman was going to steamroll through this guy like he's been doing with everyone for the past two years. 

Man, I was so damn confident that Usman had just won the decision over this fool that I took to Twitter and started sounding off during the last round -

With the repeated cheating, cocky attitude, and the fact that he hasn't fought Colby or Jorge, I'm happy and unsurprised to see Edwards lose.

— The Wolf (@JoeNagarams) August 21, 2022

 

And then I looked up and immediately saw this - 

You never know what to expect from this sport. Me and this guy on Discord immediately started going back and forth about whether Khamzat will be the first to fight Leon, but honestly I think last night just proved, you never, ever know what to expect from MMA.