Yes, I Did Do Occult Shit

I mentioned in that Mercyful Fate post that I (largely inspired by King Diamond) dabbled with occult and Satanic nonsense. I do feel the need to specify that I was of the Luciferian breed of Satanism (which is just spectacled, flashy Atheism). I didn't believe in any hoodoo-voodoo nonsense or anything that couldn't be explained or wouldn't be able to be explained eventually. But through wanting to understand things deeper and deep meditation I found that there seems to be something, beyond. Something that you can indeed interact with if you follow the steps that the old priests, and houngans did. And it fucking works. Of course I always questioned whether I was just being paranoid or whether I was just being silly, but when other people claimed to feel an unexplainable feeling that I also felt. It confirmed my suspicions that I was doing something strange. And I didn't like it. There's nothing that will put the fear of god in you, like finding out that you are deeply, deeply wrong about everything and that there is possibly something out there beyond your understanding. Something beyond the explanation of science, or Catholicism. And then when that horror gets correlated by pretty reasonable folk, it makes you feel even more - terrified. 

You see, I'll never claim to know what the hell goes on beyond what I understand. But I do know what I've felt and experienced. And the horror comes from the lack of understanding. And I do subscribe to Nietzsche's old adage that the longer you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. And I've never, ever wanted to be more familiar with the nature of what I felt. I am but a man. Why would I desire to be in séance with some otherworldly force, or some power that I don't understand and cannot even accurately communicate with. I'm not Aleister Crowley, nor do I look up to him. I've never looked at any occult scholar or practitioner and said "I'd like to be like that guy." In fact the Crowleys and Rasputins, and others are representative of something I want to be furthest away from. They're pariahs of social unconformity and anarchic lawlessness. If what they understood or studied came to make them the way that they were, then I want nothing to do with. And I strongly advise anyone who doesn't want to end up that way to stray away from any occult study, or ritual, or practice as well. You can free your mind in other ways. You can gain understanding by studying some other kind of knowledge. 

A lot of people tell me that this sounds like a bunch of hokey-pokey nonsense, when I tell them about this. If it sounds like nonsense to you, I invite you to go and seek out the knowledge, seek out that practice. But don't do it in any place you'd like to remain in for a long time.