Letting Resentments Pass and Destroying the Past

Did you really fucking think I'd let January end without posting again?

Sometimes I remember the person I used to be and I get filled with resentment. Well, more specifically, I see people that remind me of the person I used to be, and it fills me with resentment. But I have to realize that my resentment isn't for those people. It's for the idea of me (that I think) they have in their heads. I resent that man and he's dead. And I don't want anyone trying to bring him back to life. He's fucking gone. He's dead. I beat him into submission and put him away. 

And no one can resurrect him but me. 

That said, it's still very painful to see these people. But I gotta remind myself that just because it's painful doesn't mean it's wrong to put myself through it. 

The thing is that I don't smoke, and I don't drink and I don't play videogames (at least not as a means of destressing). I know how dangerous it is to let those things be your solace when you feel stressed out. Hell, when I say I know, I mean I know. 

The only thing I do nowadays when I get too angry is exercise. 

And I either wind up getting so damn tired that I can't stay mad, or I'll realize how silly it is that I'm even angry in the first place. 

So when I feel pain, I know I just have to sit in it and feel it. And that's something that I'm still getting used to doing.

But I will get used to it.

Viewpoint Shunning for That PC Money

 Do you want to know something funny?

I can't continue to run this place the way I do. But that doesn't mean I can't post my journal entries somewhere else. Anonymity is a very, very precious thing. I didn't value it enough in the past. So sometime in the future, this blog will be migrated somewhere else. And of course, I'm not going to explicitly disclose that I've migrated anything. There'll be a link to "some other dude's awesome blog" in the sidebar and this place will go dead.

You see, my name (and my online aliases) are attached to a helluva lot of nonsense online. I've been wilding out online since I was like fifteen. And you would think folks wouldn't give a shit, but no, they try to hold you accountable for your teenage actions. As if you're the same person...

This is why I don't understand cancel culture. If someone did some stupid shit years and years in the past, the odds are they know it was wrong. To say they don't is to imply they didn't grow as a person and can't learn from their mistakes (which is calling them stupid and immature by extension).

But the rules and laws of society are different from the rules and laws of corporate America. People do grow and change. Corporate America doesn't give a shit about people. Everything and everyone is an asset to a corporation. (And this is how it should be.) The only way you're judged by a business is whether or not you can make them money, and whether or not you can lose them money. And unfortunately in this day and age, if you said the n-word as a toddler and someone filmed it, being associated with you can lose your company money. And that makes you a liability and not an asset.

I said all that to say this. I don't endorse half of the shit I said in the past. Because like most people, I'm growing and changing constantly. But if I am to begin a professional relationship with anyone I must acknowledge my past comments are liabilities and not assets.

In other words, the PC police have finally got me. And they're threatening me with 50 years in Microaggression Bay if I don't plead guilty.

A Brief One

Fuck off.

Existential Woes and Nostalgic Throes

 For some reason, the intro to Boys of Summer gets me going. It feels me with a sense of nostalgia for my younger days. It's amazing how Don Henley managed to capture the exact feeling of nostalgia on record. That song reminds me of being a young kid browsing the aisles of the local Value Village. They'd always play 97.1 The River on the radio, and that song was on constant rotation. . That song puts me in a mood. It makes me introspect deeply.

Am I the person that I want to be?

That's the question that echoes in my head. Am I making decisions that will build the life I want to lead? Am I moving too fastly? I've been accused of being an arrogant, pompous fool, so I don't know. And I don't care.

I want more, but at the same time, I don't want much. I just want to be somewhere where I can be myself. And who I am is constantly changing. I have struggles with my own mind. I don't have money all the time and sometimes my plans fall to the wayside. But all of that doesn't mean shit to me. 

And it doesn't help that the homeless dudes and drifters probably just wanted to be themselves as well. That's not my aim. A life of comfort is impossible, but a life of senseless struggle is foolish. I just want to build my body, make money, and work on technology. And of course, save up for the future. Build a massive library, and have a functional workshop. That's all.

Sometimes I question whether my ambitions are delusional. But then again. It's not like I've never achieved anything great. I just have to always remind myself of my accomplishments.

Who am I?

We all ask ourselves these questions. We all struggle with these hesitations and anxieties. But it's those of us that keep pushing ourselves forward and searching for the answers that wind up finding a purpose in the journey.

Or maybe I'm just a pretentious charlatan rambling... 

Accumulating Injuries For the Upcoming Centruries

The struggle to be genuine is very, very, very, real. 

I already said that employers be creeping. But honestly. 

It's not like I'm up to my neck in offers or some shit, anyway.

I ain't got shit to say. It's late in the fucking day. I went to church (despite what my colorful language would imply). I washed my clothes. I'm redownloading my OS since the repair shop at my college wiped my drive. 

My arms and legs have finally started hurting. Last Sunday I glided down like twenty feet (I improperly descended down an indoor rock wall) and slammed into a window and bruised my elbow and ankles. Friday I bench-pressed, did burpees, and did all kinds of workouts I'd never done before. Saturday I went jogging in 30-degree weather.  My body is very happy that it's young. Because if I was old, I'd be in the damn morgue, right now. (I realize that it sounds like I'm complaining when I mention these things. I fucking love this shit, and wouldn't live my life any other way. Ever since I heard someone say that youth is wasted on the young, I have been trying to do everything possible to never have to agree with that sentiment.)

I wasn't fucking joking when I said I was trying to prepare for Muay Thai. I'm not trying to go in the gym and throw up and break my damn legs, however. The only issue now is that all this exercising has rubbed off on my wallet because now it's gotten really, really skinny, too. But that'll resolve itself very quickly. You'll know that I'm out here making money if these posts stop. 

 

Brain Trickery and Gym Misery

 Jack Harlow has some bangers.

Atomic Habits has gotten me falling in love with the idea of positive habit reinforcement. It's the idea that when you're taking up a new habit (like jogging, or reading these blog posts every day) you pair it up with an immediate reward (like watching a quick YouTube video, or texting your girlfriend.) And the idea is that after a while you'll come to associate the new habit with the reward, and you'll do it automatically.

There's a little bit more to it, but I'm not about to go in-depth about neuroscience and evolution.

That gym was fucking awesome. Going into that shit telling myself that I wasn't going to quit, might've helped me out. There was a point where it felt like my arms were about to give up on me.

But I thought of the dead people that I love and miss. They don't get the opportunity to exercise and build their bodies because they're six feet under the ground. Their stories are over. And honestly, it gives me the motivation to keep writing my own story. Hell, two of them would've gone further than I ever could. But their lives got ended early and their stories got cut short. It can happen to any one of us.

I'm being intentionally vague. But I was surprised when I dug deep, that's what I found. And I damn sure didn't give up. 

Narcissistic Claims and Growing Pains

It's getting difficult to make these post titles both rhyme and be relevant to the post topic.

Ya boy is about to hit a gym program. I'm leaning on the fact that it's going to go well, because I'm me, and people love me. 

(You can call me a narcissist, but hey, the evidence doesn't lie. You're here reading this.)

And after that I guess I'll grab some food from the college's cafeteria and go back home and prepare for tomorrow.

Tomorrow night is fight night. The only thing that happens on fight night is that I watch fights. No one can call me, write me, talk to me, or text me past 7:00 P.M. on fight night, cause I'm watching fighting.

Fight night is ALWAYS the best night of the week.

I don't care if I go on a date with Jennifer Lopez and Kate Upton on Monday night. If Saturday night is fight night, it's going to be the best night of the week. I don't care if I win the Nobel Peace Prize on Thursday night. I don't care if I buy a Lamborghini on Tuesday night. I don't care if some long, lost relative gifts me a billion dollars on Wednesday night. If Saturday night is fight night, then it's the best night of the week. 

Period.

Anyways, ciao!

Book Note Links and PUA Hijinks

Just got done taking notes on Atomic Habits. As you can see, I've sort of established a pattern of doing that, before I post here.

Since I can obviously see my stats page, I can tell that posting the link to this blog in my Instagram bio has helped with the traffic. So as a bit of an experiment, I'd like to link my notes to the shit I'm reading every day.

Atomic Habits

Dating Essentials For Men

Although I feel the need to explain why I'm reading a dating book since I honestly don't care about dating. I've mentioned repeatedly that I spent most of last year reading No More Mr. Nice Guy, and it changed my life. No More Mr. Nice Guy is by the same author (Dr. Rober Glover) as this dating book. So it just felt like a natural progression reading it. 

But let's get one thing straight. 

I think PUA is the most cringe-worthy thing in the fucking world. As a teen, I absolutely vowed never to read, listen to, or even watch people talk about pick-up artistry. It's abject fucking nonsense at best, and it's misleading, pseudo-intellectual snake oil at worst. There are lots of young dudes out here spitting horrible pick-up lines to random women when they should be spitting their life stories to a fucking therapist, instead. 

I think it's telling, that the guy who wrote the most popular book on the topic of PUA, won't even do an interview about it, and has disowned the book repeatedly. 

The reason I hate PUA so much is because 17-year-old Joe got misled as well. I used to hang out on the Red Pill subreddit, every day. Granted it only took me like three months to realize that shit was stupid and contradictory. And honestly, you can't always throw the baby out with the bathwater.

If it wasn't for the Red Pill community on Reddit, I wouldn't have read half of the shit I've read or have made the strides in personal development that I made. I only started meditating because The Red Pill told me to. I shaved myself bald at 18 because the Red Pill told me to. I started reading about psychology and body language because the Red Pill told me to.

That said half of the shit I read on that forum was absolute, offensive, bollocks . Half of those dudes were either legitimately sociopathic or lying like hell for clout. (People would legit post shit like "I Slept With My Wife's Mom And She Found Out and I Don't Care, HAHAHA" I'm an Alpha.)  But it provided me with the clarity to steer clear of morons talking about "Alpha, and beta males" and "blue pill and red pill lifestyles."

(And before you go getting any ideas, this all happened when I was 17- 18; I'm not some repentant MRA dissing his old friends.) 

God, that was long-winded. 

But yeah, I'm not reading some fucking pick-up book, and I resent that notion. 

PUA is for fucking losers. 

Keeping it Brief, And Getting Good Sleep

I'm chilling. I just got done reading Atomic Habits. 

I'm heavily thinking about maintaining my momentum for this upcoming semester and training my young, loud, obnoxious dormmate not to scream and stomp late into the night. Because it heavily affects my sleeping patterns. I kinda let that issue fall by the wayside over the past few months, but it's priority number one because my sleep is something that is important.

I don't know what must be done to resolve it, but it will be done. I'm aiming to befriend the kid, work out with him, and just have a conversation about it.

It may surprise you that I haven't tried this, but sometimes I'm more of an asshole than I like to admit. And also not getting sleep, makes you a bit irritable and irrational.

Anyways, ciao.

Self-Reflection and Sociai Inspection

 Atomic Habits has turned me into a fucking chameleon. It has gotten me out of the idea of thinking that I should be just one version of myself. And no that doesn't mean in terms of changing faces and being a fake motherfucker. I mean a chameleon in terms of making rapid and frequent changes to how I interact with other people and live my life. 

That chameleon metaphor doesn't really even make sense now that I think of it, but whatever...

One thing that I've always understood (and that Atomic Habits has reinforced) is that all of us think, act, and share the same goals as the people around us.

And ho, boy! In defining myself, I had to look around myself and ask whether the people I had around me reflected whom I wanted to become. And the answer was no. And the answer is still no.

But the problem here is that I've made ties and built relationships. I'm not at all opposed to cutting things off with broken people. In fact, in the interest of keeping myself sane, and saving time, I have to walk away from relationships with broken people. This is one of the biggest points of No More Mr. Nice Guy (A book I spent most of last year reading.) 

But I also have to question whether I'm just projecting my own insane flaws onto other people because I don't want anyone getting close to me.

I guess we'll have to see in the future...

 Walking away from relationships does not feel good. It's not impossible to do. But ending relationships (at least in my experience) feels the same as losing a family member. Regardless. I'm only dedicated to two men. Myself and the one above. Everyone else can be lost and fall to the wayside. 

I believe that I have abundant time and energy, but if I don't walk away from the broken people around me, I'll have to balance it with being around people that are where I want to be. And that's going to require me to meet alot more people. Which isn't an issue. I guess I'll use the law of 33%. 

I can't even remember who the hell I learned this from, but basically, it states that you spend 33% of your time with people you want to learn from, 33% of your time with people on the same level as you, and 33% of your time with people that you have to lead.

I honestly think I may have learned that shit from Tai Lopez. Which means that it's probably some pseudo-intellectual bullshit...

I need to go figure out who said that shit before I implement it.

Fuck Tai Lopez.

The ABC's of Reviewing Week 21: All That Remains Part 4

Editors Note: This post was written in 2020, directly after the last All That Remains Review I posted. For some reason, I forgot to post it. As a result, some of the references are hella outdated and won't make any sense. 

To be clear before we get started. I'm not making a return. Not just yet. Here in the States, it's labor day weekend. That means I have one more day, to not have to do anything. And I'm taking advantage of that day, to work on finishing this review series. Now that that's out of the way. Let's get started.

First off, fuck Fuck the Fall of Ideals. 

This is the way, I probably sound to y'all right now.

I didn't want to talk shit about it during the review, but Jesus, that's got to be the most overrated record ever.  Even the opening song of this record is tons better than anything on The Fall of Ideals. And I honestly think that All That Remains don't get the recognition they deserve because most of the spotlight is placed on TFOI. And there are three, maybe four good songs on there, tops. Everything about this record is better than The Fall of Ideals.

For starters, this album was produced by one of the best men in the game; Jason fucking Suceof. 

He usually works with heavier acts than ATR like Carnifex, and Whitechapel. Which is why the screaming is mixed so well on this record.  He also produced Trivium's first few records so you know he doesn't just completely turn down the low-end like some kind of asshat elitist.

Picture may or may not be related to the above statement (for legal reasons)

Y'all know I love Adam D to death, but if you ask me the band should've stuck with Jason as producer. This record is the best they've ever sounded.

Before the Damned

I was not joking when I said the opening track was better than anything off of The Fall of Ideals. This song is a perfect mixture of heavy guttural screaming and hopeful singing. And it's all underscored by some heavy-hitting bass and sexy riffing. (That's what you get when you use a deathcore producer.) This opening track sounds amazing on every level and it's indicative of their entire album. 

Two Weeks

Before we cut into the track, I want to tell a short story. "Two Weeks" is the first All That Remains song I ever heard. And for most of my teenage years, it was their only song I knew. For the majority of my life, I thought of them as the band with the bald singer who sang with a lisp and looked like he was both 20 and 50. All based off of this song and its music video. Back then, I never could've imagined this would become one of my favorite bands.

This song is pretty decent. Oli has an amazing solo. I'll say that again. Oli has an amazing solo. I love the way Phil scream-sings during the verses. It's a very distinctive vocal style we haven't heard on the last couple of albums. I love this song just as much as when I first heard it.

Undone

This song really highlights how they played to their strengths on this record. You've got the crispy guitar tone. The crazy chugging and evil double bass. And then Phil screaming like a madman and singing just because he can. And as always Oli starts showing off with his axe.  You start to feel like Oli has opened up a portal to Guitar Land and snatched you right in. Riffs this amazing should not be possible on this mortal plane. Oli fucking tears up this song.

Forever in Your Hands

This was the first ATR record that they tried to be a little bit more commercial-friendly with. And it shows in that there are two versions of this song (Three if you count the amazing acoustic version. https://youtu.be/Tb1rRrSwQrI)  The album version sounds more aggressive and it's difficult to understand the lyrics because Phil snarls out the words. The single version shaves off twenty seconds of the intro and removes the screaming. As a lyrics guy, I like the single version, because the screaming takes away from the melancholic, regretful lyrics.

The guitars shine from the start of this song from start to finish. The intro is amazing, all of the riffs are earworms, and the solo is great. They made the right choice by picking this as a single and as one of their staple live songs. It's hella fun to listen to.

Chiron

This is hands down, the heaviest song on the record. And it still manages to sound as melodic as the rest of the songs. You know that high-pitched shriek that Phil usually reserves for the intros of songs or for the ends of verses? He's doing it in every verse of this song.

Days Without

I know I said it before, but I'll say it again. 

There ain't a bad song on this record. 

And this is probably the best song. Boy, I don't need to explain to you what that means. Everything is amazing. The vocals, the screaming and the singing. The riffing. That song has one of the best guitar solos I've ever heard. If you play this song out loud the drumming will make the room shake.

And that intro. Goddamn, that intro. That fucking intro.

Do you hear how expertly that motherfucker played that shit? No missed notes. No fret buzz. Do you know how hard that shit is to pull off?

In all honesty, I've probably replayed the first thirty seconds of this song hundreds of times. I WAS not joking when I said that Oli inspired me to play guitar. Oli was one of the fucking best to ever play. 

A Song For The Hopeless

This song tricks you into thinking that it's going to be soft and then that first chorus hits you like a sucker punch. Especially if you're listening to the lyrics. There's just something about Phil screaming "And I am still my own!" that's inspiring. Especially after hearing this band drastically progress and change in image and sound over the last month last few months. It feels like those words are a direct response to someone or something. It's like Phil is saying that he'll never change and he won't sell out. 

I'm just going to leave this picture here for no particular reason.

Do Not Obey

When I was first getting into heavy music Phil Labonte was making a storm online, getting into Twitter fights damn near every week. And the bulk of those fights stemmed from Phil being aggressively anti-PC or because someone made fun of him for posting cringy pictures.

And in hindsight, the latter was probably justified...

Which Phil would always double down on by turning up the offensiveness. You see Phil is a libertarian. A die-hard libertarian. I've met Ron Paul and he isn't even as much of a Libertarian as Phil. Phil is so libertarian he got arrested after a 2AM bus crash (which he wasn't at all liable for) because he refused to identify himself. 

Why? Because it was "unconstitutional."

And a big part of being a Libertarian is not wanting to be told what to do. Hence this song. I brought this up because For We Are Many is damn near exclusively 2008-era libertarian commentary. Down to some of the song titles being references to Libertarian slogans. This is our first glimpse of his ideals mixing into his songwriting.

Relinquish

Interesting. This one switches it up. It has a hopeful feel to it. Especially the ambiance after every chorus. I even felt like headbanging toward the end. Again, this is another example of Phil splicing in some political commentary. 

There's a certain point where hammering in a message detracts from the song. I didn't understand half of the lyrics so just going off the song title and the chorus had me confused. And it took me out of the song. This song sounds way too aggressive and incoherent to shove a "Fuck the sheeple" into. Especially into the chorus of the song no less. 

Overcome

This one is just as dope as the rest. They really kept the energy going for this entire record. And it makes for an amazing title track. But to be fair, the only ATR record so far to have a bad title track was The Fall of Ideals.

Because it's the only one that hasn't had one.

Believe In Nothing

Jesus Christ, talk about leaving the best for last. This is a completely somber ballad about the nature of hope. It's a cover, and the original song is by Nevermore. I'm not too familiar with them, and I honestly like this version better. It's definitely a change of direction from the rest of the record.

Frozen

This one is a bonus track off of the Japanese edition. I'm not Japanese, so it's not on my version. I'm still reviewing it because it just may be my favorite song off of the record. There ain't too much different about it from the rest of the songs but it somehow feels like it blends that melody and aggression a tad bit better. 

Final Verdict

This is my favorite All That Remains record. I could listen to it end to end any day. And I believe part of what makes it my favorite is how consistent the songs are.  I'm not saying all the songs sound the same. But they're all structured very similarly. And because that song structure is one the band is comfortable with, (and damn near invented) it never gets old. It seems like the whole band was playing to their strengths. Phil screams and sings sometimes with vocal effects added. The drums blast hard. Oli riffs and shreds and solos on every single song. The lyrics are always well-written (albeit not always genre-appropriate).  And the stellar production from Jason Seucof enhances everything. This album sounds amazing.

What more could you ask for from this band? For most of the songs, I was tempted to write "This song is good. Listen to it." Honestly, the worst thing I can say about this record is that maybe you could get tired of listening to it because the songs are so similar. I didn't. 

Anyways, enough dick-sucking. 

Next time we listen to ATR's last metalcore record  For We Are Many. 

What do I mean by their last metalcore record?  Oh, you'll find out soon enough.