Okay, so what I've done is hit the shuffle button on my songs to try to make getting through these reviews a little bit less tedious. That's probably going to mess things up in the future but it is what is. Now let's see what we're reviewing.
Okay, let's do it.
Bruce Dickinson - The Ghost of Cain
© Universal Music Group
I like this track. Hell at this point, I think we all know that no one from Iron Maiden can do anything wrong.
Well, anything too wrong...
But when you break up the members shit just doesn't go right.
Adrian Smith and Bruce Dickinson are like the soul of Iron Maiden. As a whole, Iron Maiden is like a sports car. Bruce is the amazing paint job and Adrian is that kickass horsepower. And the rest of the guys in Maiden are like the brake system on that car. You separate them and it's a recipe for disaster. Sure, you've got something amazing for a little while. But you have no way of stopping the car when things fly off the rails. And what the hell are brakes without a car?
Pictured: The musical equivalent of brakes without a car.
And this song is a perfect example of that. It's Bruce Dickinson crooning and swooning ... about something. The lyrics don't really make much sense. It sounds amazing. But lyrically it's repetitive and it doesn't make any sense. Which is not something you could ever say about Iron Maiden. I like it, but I don't like it as much as regular Iron Maiden.
Next song.
Ten Masked Men - Push It to the Limit
© Ten Masked Men
Ten Masked Men have been making black metal covers of pop music since the 90's. They covered N'SYNC back when they were actually popular. I like Ten Masked Men. I don't know this song, though. And most of the value of a death metal cover is how much it adds to the original song. Yes, this is a decent sounding song, as Ten Masked Men are some decent musicians. Just judging this song as a standalone song and not as a cover, it's great. It reminds of that mixture of death metal and rock that Carcass did in their early days. I could listen to this one again and again.
Edit: I just went back and gave the original song a listen. What in the hell was that video?
It Dies Today - Blood Stained Bed Sheets
© Trustkill Records
Right off the bat, this edgy fucking title turns me right the hell off. And the crazy riffing and screaming does not help. This song is pure early metalcore. It doesn't sound melodic enough to listen to for pleasure and the clean singing and weak screaming would make it a bad listen for when you're angry. And Jesus Christ, the production is so shitty, it sounds like I recorded this song off the radio. This is bad metalcore and I don't even know why I have it saved. I could've gone without ever hearing this.
Intermission From Doom
© Id Software
Are we really doing this?
This song reminds of all the times I rage-quit or put on invincibility, because of how many times I'd die repeatedly on E2M3. Especially in that big fucking room towards the end with all the flashing lights. There's always an imp or an invisible fucker waiting around the corner to kill me right when I let my guard down. I can't find any pictures of it, but if you know, you know.
I don't know how I've never mentioned this here, but I've been a religious Doom player since high-school.
Also, apparently Bobby Prince ripped off this Pantera track to make this song. I don't really hear it but this article IS suffering from a severe lack of Pantera.
Attack Attack! - AC-130 (Remix)
© Rise Records
It's been so long since I've heard the original AC-130 (or listened to Attack Attack! for that matter) that I have no clue what it sounds like anymore. This remix on the other hand, sounds like Deadmau5 if he made music exclusively for the niche demographic that both take ecstasy for fun and frequent hot topic. Which is to say that it's decent. I ain't actively seeking out to listen to music like this, but it was decent background noise as I wrote about Doom for five minutes.
Edit: I'm listening to Smokahontas as I edit this and this song has the most insane breakdown I've heard in my life. It went- ¡El pollo no hablas English hermanos! [Bubblegum pop music]
Chasing Safety - Far Away
© Fearless Records
Speaking of metalcore, Chasing Safety is literally one of the first metalcore bands I started listening to. And to my surprise this song still holds up. Unlike It Dies Today, the singing is decent, and the screaming is pretty nasty. It's an excellent blend of two opposite ends of the musical spectrum. Melody and chaos come together as one. And dammit, that's all it takes to make good metalcore. Not two-minute breakdowns, endless uninspired chugging and cringeworthy crab-walking...
All That Remains - Two Weeks
© Prosthetic Records
As if the universe is trying to call me out for being a lazy fuck, somehow a song from the exact review that I've been putting off for the past six months is on the shuffle list. I've written about this song three or four times but I've never actually published any of it. So here's a sneak peek of The ABC's of Song Reviewing: All That Remains Part 4 via screenshot -
Don't say I never did anything nice for you.
Darkest Hour - Paradise
© Victory Records
Jesus Christ, this is a perfect way to end this review. This song sounds exactly like In Flames with a black metal vocalist. And I never knew I needed to hear that until now. And the way they let the song end with the chorus and then just two more guitar notes is the perfect formula to make you smash the replay button. (Or whatever normal people have.)
I don't have anything else to say here. I'm pretty satisfied with my awesome music collection. I don't like that there weren't any outrageous tracks (And believe me, there's some RIDICULOUS stuff, that I can't even review saved on this phone.) But I think my music player tries to push the tracks you're more likely to listen to towards the top when you hit shuffle (Which is why there was an All That Remains song in the list.) I kept scrolling down and half the shit I've never listened to was towards the middle of the list. So maybe if I do this again, I'll shuffle, close my eyes and then scroll down for a bit.
Now fuck off, I've got to add a bunch of copyright shit so this article doesn't get taken down.
Steve Harris British Lion © 2012 Parlophone Records
Iron Maiden 'The Angel and the Gambler' © 1998 EMI
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