Self-Reflection and Sociai Inspection

 Atomic Habits has turned me into a fucking chameleon. It has gotten me out of the idea of thinking that I should be just one version of myself. And no that doesn't mean in terms of changing faces and being a fake motherfucker. I mean a chameleon in terms of making rapid and frequent changes to how I interact with other people and live my life. 

That chameleon metaphor doesn't really even make sense now that I think of it, but whatever...

One thing that I've always understood (and that Atomic Habits has reinforced) is that all of us think, act, and share the same goals as the people around us.

And ho, boy! In defining myself, I had to look around myself and ask whether the people I had around me reflected whom I wanted to become. And the answer was no. And the answer is still no.

But the problem here is that I've made ties and built relationships. I'm not at all opposed to cutting things off with broken people. In fact, in the interest of keeping myself sane, and saving time, I have to walk away from relationships with broken people. This is one of the biggest points of No More Mr. Nice Guy (A book I spent most of last year reading.) 

But I also have to question whether I'm just projecting my own insane flaws onto other people because I don't want anyone getting close to me.

I guess we'll have to see in the future...

 Walking away from relationships does not feel good. It's not impossible to do. But ending relationships (at least in my experience) feels the same as losing a family member. Regardless. I'm only dedicated to two men. Myself and the one above. Everyone else can be lost and fall to the wayside. 

I believe that I have abundant time and energy, but if I don't walk away from the broken people around me, I'll have to balance it with being around people that are where I want to be. And that's going to require me to meet alot more people. Which isn't an issue. I guess I'll use the law of 33%. 

I can't even remember who the hell I learned this from, but basically, it states that you spend 33% of your time with people you want to learn from, 33% of your time with people on the same level as you, and 33% of your time with people that you have to lead.

I honestly think I may have learned that shit from Tai Lopez. Which means that it's probably some pseudo-intellectual bullshit...

I need to go figure out who said that shit before I implement it.

Fuck Tai Lopez.

The ABC's of Reviewing Week 21: All That Remains Part 4

Editors Note: This post was written in 2020, directly after the last All That Remains Review I posted. For some reason, I forgot to post it. As a result, some of the references are hella outdated and won't make any sense. 

To be clear before we get started. I'm not making a return. Not just yet. Here in the States, it's labor day weekend. That means I have one more day, to not have to do anything. And I'm taking advantage of that day, to work on finishing this review series. Now that that's out of the way. Let's get started.

First off, fuck Fuck the Fall of Ideals. 

This is the way, I probably sound to y'all right now.

I didn't want to talk shit about it during the review, but Jesus, that's got to be the most overrated record ever.  Even the opening song of this record is tons better than anything on The Fall of Ideals. And I honestly think that All That Remains don't get the recognition they deserve because most of the spotlight is placed on TFOI. And there are three, maybe four good songs on there, tops. Everything about this record is better than The Fall of Ideals.

For starters, this album was produced by one of the best men in the game; Jason fucking Suceof. 

He usually works with heavier acts than ATR like Carnifex, and Whitechapel. Which is why the screaming is mixed so well on this record.  He also produced Trivium's first few records so you know he doesn't just completely turn down the low-end like some kind of asshat elitist.

Picture may or may not be related to the above statement (for legal reasons)

Y'all know I love Adam D to death, but if you ask me the band should've stuck with Jason as producer. This record is the best they've ever sounded.

Before the Damned

I was not joking when I said the opening track was better than anything off of The Fall of Ideals. This song is a perfect mixture of heavy guttural screaming and hopeful singing. And it's all underscored by some heavy-hitting bass and sexy riffing. (That's what you get when you use a deathcore producer.) This opening track sounds amazing on every level and it's indicative of their entire album. 

Two Weeks

Before we cut into the track, I want to tell a short story. "Two Weeks" is the first All That Remains song I ever heard. And for most of my teenage years, it was their only song I knew. For the majority of my life, I thought of them as the band with the bald singer who sang with a lisp and looked like he was both 20 and 50. All based off of this song and its music video. Back then, I never could've imagined this would become one of my favorite bands.

This song is pretty decent. Oli has an amazing solo. I'll say that again. Oli has an amazing solo. I love the way Phil scream-sings during the verses. It's a very distinctive vocal style we haven't heard on the last couple of albums. I love this song just as much as when I first heard it.

Undone

This song really highlights how they played to their strengths on this record. You've got the crispy guitar tone. The crazy chugging and evil double bass. And then Phil screaming like a madman and singing just because he can. And as always Oli starts showing off with his axe.  You start to feel like Oli has opened up a portal to Guitar Land and snatched you right in. Riffs this amazing should not be possible on this mortal plane. Oli fucking tears up this song.

Forever in Your Hands

This was the first ATR record that they tried to be a little bit more commercial-friendly with. And it shows in that there are two versions of this song (Three if you count the amazing acoustic version. https://youtu.be/Tb1rRrSwQrI)  The album version sounds more aggressive and it's difficult to understand the lyrics because Phil snarls out the words. The single version shaves off twenty seconds of the intro and removes the screaming. As a lyrics guy, I like the single version, because the screaming takes away from the melancholic, regretful lyrics.

The guitars shine from the start of this song from start to finish. The intro is amazing, all of the riffs are earworms, and the solo is great. They made the right choice by picking this as a single and as one of their staple live songs. It's hella fun to listen to.

Chiron

This is hands down, the heaviest song on the record. And it still manages to sound as melodic as the rest of the songs. You know that high-pitched shriek that Phil usually reserves for the intros of songs or for the ends of verses? He's doing it in every verse of this song.

Days Without

I know I said it before, but I'll say it again. 

There ain't a bad song on this record. 

And this is probably the best song. Boy, I don't need to explain to you what that means. Everything is amazing. The vocals, the screaming and the singing. The riffing. That song has one of the best guitar solos I've ever heard. If you play this song out loud the drumming will make the room shake.

And that intro. Goddamn, that intro. That fucking intro.

Do you hear how expertly that motherfucker played that shit? No missed notes. No fret buzz. Do you know how hard that shit is to pull off?

In all honesty, I've probably replayed the first thirty seconds of this song hundreds of times. I WAS not joking when I said that Oli inspired me to play guitar. Oli was one of the fucking best to ever play. 

A Song For The Hopeless

This song tricks you into thinking that it's going to be soft and then that first chorus hits you like a sucker punch. Especially if you're listening to the lyrics. There's just something about Phil screaming "And I am still my own!" that's inspiring. Especially after hearing this band drastically progress and change in image and sound over the last month last few months. It feels like those words are a direct response to someone or something. It's like Phil is saying that he'll never change and he won't sell out. 

I'm just going to leave this picture here for no particular reason.

Do Not Obey

When I was first getting into heavy music Phil Labonte was making a storm online, getting into Twitter fights damn near every week. And the bulk of those fights stemmed from Phil being aggressively anti-PC or because someone made fun of him for posting cringy pictures.

And in hindsight, the latter was probably justified...

Which Phil would always double down on by turning up the offensiveness. You see Phil is a libertarian. A die-hard libertarian. I've met Ron Paul and he isn't even as much of a Libertarian as Phil. Phil is so libertarian he got arrested after a 2AM bus crash (which he wasn't at all liable for) because he refused to identify himself. 

Why? Because it was "unconstitutional."

And a big part of being a Libertarian is not wanting to be told what to do. Hence this song. I brought this up because For We Are Many is damn near exclusively 2008-era libertarian commentary. Down to some of the song titles being references to Libertarian slogans. This is our first glimpse of his ideals mixing into his songwriting.

Relinquish

Interesting. This one switches it up. It has a hopeful feel to it. Especially the ambiance after every chorus. I even felt like headbanging toward the end. Again, this is another example of Phil splicing in some political commentary. 

There's a certain point where hammering in a message detracts from the song. I didn't understand half of the lyrics so just going off the song title and the chorus had me confused. And it took me out of the song. This song sounds way too aggressive and incoherent to shove a "Fuck the sheeple" into. Especially into the chorus of the song no less. 

Overcome

This one is just as dope as the rest. They really kept the energy going for this entire record. And it makes for an amazing title track. But to be fair, the only ATR record so far to have a bad title track was The Fall of Ideals.

Because it's the only one that hasn't had one.

Believe In Nothing

Jesus Christ, talk about leaving the best for last. This is a completely somber ballad about the nature of hope. It's a cover, and the original song is by Nevermore. I'm not too familiar with them, and I honestly like this version better. It's definitely a change of direction from the rest of the record.

Frozen

This one is a bonus track off of the Japanese edition. I'm not Japanese, so it's not on my version. I'm still reviewing it because it just may be my favorite song off of the record. There ain't too much different about it from the rest of the songs but it somehow feels like it blends that melody and aggression a tad bit better. 

Final Verdict

This is my favorite All That Remains record. I could listen to it end to end any day. And I believe part of what makes it my favorite is how consistent the songs are.  I'm not saying all the songs sound the same. But they're all structured very similarly. And because that song structure is one the band is comfortable with, (and damn near invented) it never gets old. It seems like the whole band was playing to their strengths. Phil screams and sings sometimes with vocal effects added. The drums blast hard. Oli riffs and shreds and solos on every single song. The lyrics are always well-written (albeit not always genre-appropriate).  And the stellar production from Jason Seucof enhances everything. This album sounds amazing.

What more could you ask for from this band? For most of the songs, I was tempted to write "This song is good. Listen to it." Honestly, the worst thing I can say about this record is that maybe you could get tired of listening to it because the songs are so similar. I didn't. 

Anyways, enough dick-sucking. 

Next time we listen to ATR's last metalcore record  For We Are Many. 

What do I mean by their last metalcore record?  Oh, you'll find out soon enough.

Learning Stuff, and Getting Tough

Merry Christmas. Or whatever y'all celebrate in Germany. I don't know.

These are my pageviews sorted by country. I don't understand this number, but I ain't about to question it...

Anyways, for the last three days (I know what date it is, I just forgot to hit the post button on the 22nd.) I haven't been journaling. But I've done a lot more writing than usual. For the past two weeks, I've been tackling Atomic Habits by James Clear. I've been wanting to read it since I watched a summary video on it earlier this year (check that out here). However, I had to finish up No More. Mr. Nice Guy before I could tackle it. 

You see, I'm not the kind of guy that enjoys reading two books at a time. The way I read things is by taking in a paragraph, and writing down what I've read in my own words. Sometimes it gets exhaustive to do that across three pages of the same book, so I can't imagine how annoying doing that for two books at once would be. 

At least, not yet. 

That's one of the big points of Atomic Habits. Scrutinizing what you think you can do, and challenging yourself little by little, until you can do so much more. I never would've seen myself as a guy who exercised every single day, or picked up his guitar and started learning and practicing chords and scales. Hell, not even six months ago, I declared that this blog was dead. But alas, I was wrong about so much stuff. The fundamental thing I've learned in reading both this book and No More Mr. Nice Guy is that in order to get the most productive things done, you have to change the way you view yourself. And the way I view myself is almost constantly changing. 

Anyways, happy first day of Christmas.

You Americans don't understand the concept of multiple days of Christmas. It's a German thing. I just looked that up literally one minute ago.

Bad Analogies and Factual Innacuracies

Point me in the direction of Albuquerque. I'm just trying to get fucking home.

Commitments are fucking commitments. I mentioned two days ago that these blog posts aren't really blog posts. They're daily journal entries that I just edit up, add a few jokes to, and then paste into Blogger. 

Not this one. I try to journal every day, but sometimes all I have to say is "I'm tired." And boy I'm tired. 

But now that I'm here, I gotta at least say something funny. Or not. 

This is probably the first time I've just directly started typing into Blogger instead of journaling. I think it's comparable to how in modern mixed martial arts you have guys that are skipping cross-training multiple different martial arts and are just apparently training MMA, outright. Maybe that analogy makes sense, maybe I'm sleep-deprived and talking nonsense. 

I honestly don't think it's even factually correct. 

What I do know is that I'm sleepy, so I'm about to end this shit. 

See ya.

Dancing with the Devil, And Smashing Fallout Levels

 I'm sitting here jamming "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do" by The Partridge Family. I got into those dudes back when I was working out of the home. I developed a taste for David Cassidy's swooning and crooning, and YouTube Music naturally autoplayed the Partridge Family. They've got some absolute bangers. I'd call them my only musical guilty pleasure but honestly. I'd blast this shit anywhere; I don't care.

[insert picture of gangster dude with boombox]

"Du-wop, I'm on my way back home!"

Anyways, I'm following along with Atomic Habits and scrutinizing the shit outta my daily processes. And the one I have been trying to figure out how to hack away at for a little bit is my to-do list. From my minimal studying, I've come to understand that using decision-making matrixes is better than using to-do lists. I used to have the Eisenhower Decision Matrix tacked onto my wall as a freshman in college. A system like that doesn't really help if you can't get your priorities straight. You wind up asking yourself questions like "Is it really  urgent to get coffee, even though I know I won't be able to function as well without it?" And at the end of the day, you've spent more time thinking about making decisions than actually doing anything. 

But I digress. I've got a busy ass day. I've got a doctor's appointment. I've got some fundraising shit to do. I'm trying to develop my endurance and conditioning so I don't die when I go to this Muay Thai gym, on Thursday.

Yeah, I'm getting into Muay Thai. 

[Insert Insane Fight Circus Muay Thai Fight]

I don't endorse anything these dudes say during this video. IT'S JUST FUCKING BADASS!

I've been wanting to take up some form of combat, but I always got strange looks saying I'd start grappling as a grown man. But honestly, at this point, I've been talking about it for half a year, and I'm going to just do it.

Anyways, it's 1:30 PM and I've only been up for like two hours since I've become addicted to playing New Vegas. And last night I discovered the console commands. And hooooo boy, was that a fun-assed time. I say that I'm addicted to it, because I'd rather be playing that game, than writing this shit, right now.

People don't talk about how damaging and addictive video games can be. A lot of young dudes repeat the same patterns with video games that the previous generation did with alcohol and other substances.

But you didn't come here to see a not-old man rave about video games being the devil.

But they are...

Peace.

Why the hell am I listening to White Christmas, right now? 

Much is Due, From Both Me and From You

I'm just laying back, chilling, listening to A Night In Texas. I was combing through my old song reviews on Hubpages, and apparently, I wasn't generating a lot of traffic, because half of my articles got taken down.

It could be the lack of traffic or the hit-piece I wrote on them, but who knows???

That's their problem because when I Google search for half the stuff I've written about, my articles are the first results. Which means that I either wrote about some extremely niche shit, or my SEO skills were on point. Or both.

Anyways, I wrote a review of A Night In Texas / AngelMaker's split album back in 2018. Despite that, I was today years old when I figured out what the name 'AngelMaker' implies. I wasn't the brightest 18-year-old.

I had a therapy appointment earlier. Now, I'm just coasting, trying to find a balance between accomplishing the rest of my goals for the day and rewarding myself for accomplishing the stuff that I've already accomplished.

As an aside, this "Dissient" song by AngelMaker is really, really good. I recently logged into YouTube Music with my older YT account and let me tell you something. 

My music tastes from age 11 - 19, were fucking exquisite. I rediscovered The Black Queen and wound up bumping them all morning. The Black Queen is the result of the most brutal hardcore band breaking up and the singer starting to make synthpop. I digress, but I'm not joking. The Dillinger Escape Plan would have shows where they'd literally run on the crowd's heads. Blood would be everywhere.  And when they hung it up, one of them started making Tears For Fears-style cake music.

My man said, "Fuck this shit, I'mma be Justin Timberlake."

This is an even further digression, but for the past few years, I completely forgot that I was a student of metal. I wanted to make it, so I learned everything about it. Hell, in High School I made a periodic table of metal bands for Chemistry class. I was all the way in. I learned how to death growl, and picked up a guitar. Hell, I even recorded a cover of an At the Gates song and figured out how to make album covers. I was really serious about this musician thing. 

What got me disillusioned? When it came time to seriously record, I tried to sing a fucking Danzig song to warm up. 

Yes, the same Danzig that cofounded and wrote all the music for the Misfits. That one. 

Despite having no vocal training. 

And of course, it sounded absolutely awful. I now, know that Danzig has a vocal range comparative to Elvis, and there's no way in hell even with years of vocal training I could sound like him. But I was like "Nah, I suck, let's hang all of this music shit up and quit."

Maybe it's time to pick the microphone back up.

I honestly think it's telling that the only metaphor I can ever come up with for picking up the pieces of your life and starting back over is Tim Lambesis. (For those not in the know, Tim was the lead singer of the only good Christian metal band, As I Lay Dying. Around 2010, he started doing roids and eventually got convicted of trying to hire a hitman on his ex-wife. He got out of prison and the band welcomed him back with open arms, and he's been cooling out ever since.) It's been like three years and still through and through metal is the only thing I know. The more I write about this, the more I realize that I can't run away from what I want. I can only delay it and make myself upset that I don't have it, yet.

Welp. 

© Valuetainment

Anyways, I finished reading No More Mr. Nice Guy a week and a half ago. One of the most life-changing books I've ever picked up. I attribute that book to helping me lose weight, build better relationships, and figure out a lot about myself. I wouldn't be here typing this shit out right now if it weren't for that book. The thing about this book is that it pretends to be, and is marketed as some kind of macho roadmap. But the further you delve into it, you remember that the guy who wrote it is a therapist whose seen hundreds of patients. And he's tricked you into gazing inwards and fixing yourself. I won't spoil it, but later on, the book slowly shifts and turns and points the mirror into your past and starts asking you questions. And they don't feel good to answer. At least that was my experience. This book isn't necessarily about becoming a strong man. It's about learning to nurture the broken, hurt boy inside of you. 

The thing that got me really actively losing weight and being consistent, was a little book called Atomic Habits. I just started seriously reading it last week, but I watched a summary of it back in June and it made me get serious about building a good habit of exercising. And I'm honestly very excited and happy to finally be picking it up and taking notes. I recommend Atomic Habits, too.

But there's a heavy burden on my heart. To whom much is given, much is due. I started this blog as a place to give back all the knowledge I'd received in my short life. Now that I have the means to give that knowledge out in person, I know that I must. It's the reason I'm alive and not just breathing. 

Yes, that's a Killswitch Engage reference. I do those constantly...

To inspire people with the words of wisdom that I was given. To impart the words of my forefathers.

And that's what I'm doing by posting here. Making a public declaration that going forward, I'm going to give back. Because I've received a lot of things from a lot of people.

And I mean a lot.

© Sony Music Entertainment

Just to emphasize how beautiful my life has been, I had the privilege of being in the same building as this dude right after he blew up. My life has been wonderful, and it's time to bring up other people. 

Stay fucking tuned. Great things are coming.

I don't own any of these pictures, I ain't a photographer.

Journaling is Fun, But It Hurts You in the Long Run

Well, I finally went back and read all of those old posts. They're not actually blogposts, they're just daily journal entries that I spruced up, added jokes to, and posted online. And honestly, I laughed, cringed, and had an awesome time. 19-year-old me was a riot. I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall when I was writing half of those posts. 

On a serious note, going back and reading those posts made me realize that I was almost a completely different person than I am right now. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. On the one hand, if I've been the same person for the past 3-4 years, then thousands of hours and dollars have gone right into the shitter. So it's good to see that I'm not.  

On the other hand, I see that I was vulnerable and open about some very serious things. I repeatedly hammered home that I was suffering from anxiety, but it wasn't going to stop me from doing anything. I talked about my struggles with self-doubt. Hell, I even ended each and every post with a salutation and thanks to all the readers. I was really blogging out here. I earned my stripes, so to speak. (At least in my mind.)

And honestly, I don't even know where, or how I lost that fire. The young man that wrote all of that stuff from 2018 - 2019 was angry, but he was hungry and he was willing to do anything to build a better life for himself. Hell, I explicitly stated multiple times that my life was going wrong, but I'd never give up or complain about it. And it's not the fact that I said that shit that's intriguing me. It's the fact that I was actually living that life. If an 18-year-old kid said anything like that to me, right now, I'd let them cling to me like a fruitbat. Because that's a powerful mind. But enough about the past. 

My concerns about maintaining this blog going forward (and my hesitations about keeping the posts public) are employment related. Back when I started this place, I thought I was going to be on the road touring, telling everyone my life story by now. I didn't think for a second that I'd actually be doing anything related to computers in an office. So I never cared about saying all manner of wild and offensive things. But as I reign myself in, and get a little closer to white-collar employment, I realize.

These employers be creepin'.

And if you're trying to work for Reeboks, their hiring manager don't care that you were 13 when you said you hated Reeboks, all they care about is that you said it.

You say you want to work at my Pizza Hut, but I found this picture on Facebook, of you eating Dominos when you were 4! Gotcha!

But nonetheless, I'd like to start back journaling, and keeping this place maintained, again. To get something you've never had before you've got to do something you've never done.

And I've never openly blogged about my life as an adult.

See ya!

P.S. If you're coming here looking for personal information on me, you're in the wrong place. My contact details are on the sidebar. I'm open and willing to answer all questions from anyone.