Speed Reviewing the Shows I Didn't Review

Yeah, so you may have noticed that I diligently reviewed the first two Disney+ Marvel shows, as soon as their last episodes dropped. But anything post last summer didn't get a review. This is where I tie up those loose ends.

I thought this series was going to be a miss. I watched the first episode and HATED it. The animation was wonky, and the voice acting from a few of the celebrities was so bad that it took me out of the show. So I wound up turning it off and skipping the second episode.

Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.

I came back in on the third episode and I've got to say, in the opinion, of a lifelong comic-book fan, who's been following the MCU since it kicked off. This series felt like a love-letter / tribute to the fans.

Hearing and seeing Michael Douglas in the Yellowjacket costume was amazing. Even in the MCU, Hank Pym going batshit crazy makes sense. Pym has made reference to the fact that continued use of his particles warps your personality, so him losing his mind has already been set up. And it brings things full-circle, because Hank Pym / Yellowjacket in the comics is a notoriously mentally unstable man, living in the shadow of his days as Ant-Man.

I thought this show was going to be some MCU-themed cartoon with a star-studded cast until the third episode. That third episode made me realize that they were indeed interested in going to those strange, and dark places the comic used to go to.  

And you know, I've got to rant about the comic. My favorite issue of the comic will always be when the Nova Force (think Marvel's version of a Green Lantern Ring) starts picking unworthy  people to bestow itself on. And it eventually winds up picking a cigar-smoking bank robber, who uses his new cosmic powers to (obviously) rob a bank and to (not so obviously) kill every single superhero on earth. And of course Doom, Red Skull and a bunch of other villains get pissy about this so he kills them, too. The Nova Force (again, think of it as a Green Lantern ring) absolutely, always, inexplicably picks a worthy guy. So this story where it doesn't and everything goes to hell, is a treat. All of the superheroes on earth get killed because of one tiny, little change. This story essentially asks ,"What if an actual bad person got super powers?" And it really highlights how narrowly focused most Marvel stories are, and how the characters aren't too bad even when they're supposed to be. It really flips all the narrative tropes on their head. Those are my favorite kinds of What If? stories.

The Doctor Strange episode made the show seem like an MCU centered Twilight Zone. The Zombies episode was absolute perfection. That perfect blend of worldbuilding and homage. Never in a million years did I think I'd see this image -

get recreated onscreen. We'd always thought of the Zombies as something that would be lost in the aether of things that comics fans know about, but that Disney wouldn't dare touch. Things like the Hulk eating and murdering people, or Wolverine's gay son. But no, this show completely defied our expectations -

Also given that Thanos' pervert brother was apparently in the Eternals, maybe this is the edgy age of the MCU. 

For context, that blue chick is Nebula ... his niece...

But seriously, every single episode of this show (except maybe the first two episodes) is worth watching. Most of the onscreen cast voice their characters (even Jeff Goldblum) and it helps the show to do a decent job of making you believe that these are the same characters we see on the big screen. 

Also we got to see a proper Age of Ultron. All of the nerd rage over how small-scaled the movie was compared to that badass comic arc was extinguished. They really did it justice. 

 

This show has Erik Kilmonger outsmarting and killing Tony Stark, which I don't think would happen in a million years. Even if Tony never got humbled by being kidnapped. This Kilmonger character is a fan favorite, because little kids and women think he's hot/cool. But Black Panther was a mediocore movie and he was a 2-D cliched villain. He sucks but he makes a lot of money on merchandising. 

Sometimes the character models for the character look absolutely nothing like who they're supposed to. And in some cases they look so generic it's hard to tell who they are even supposed to be upon first glance. 

Nonetheless, this show was amazing and I looked forward to watching it every week. 

Wow, this was a fundamental exercise in how not to make a show. I watched every single episode of this show and I only vaguely remember what happens in it. There's just so much going on that you can't focus on any one plot thread.  

Will Hawkeye make it home for Christmas? Who does Kate's mom work for? Is Armand actually hiding something? What is it? Who is Echo's uncle/boss at the head of everything? Why is Hawkeye's wife so obsessed with the watch?

That's how many threads are going on by the fourth episode.  And they add more with each episode. Which makes this show a damn chore to watch. The fast-paced action and banter between Clint and Kate are addictively fun to watch. But all of that is intercut with slow-paced "secretive" and "mysterious" scenes of characters talking to unseen people, or acting unrealistically suspicious. There doesn't always have to be a big reveal, dammit. Just show us shit like a normal show. The pacing of this show isn't bad, but it just feels off.  

Also, Kingpin did absolutely nothing here. He was clearly only put in this show to sync up with No Way Home's Charlie Cox Daredevil reveal. I don't at all think it's a coincidence that they perfectly timed the reveal of Vincent D'onofrio's Kingpin in this show, with the release of Spider-Man: No Way Home. The big question that had been on everyone's minds since the Netflix shows were canceled, was whether any of it would be considered canon. And the answer was "Yes, we paid those actors/showrunners millions of dollars, we'll be damned if they try to jump ship." 

This show tries to adapt Matt Fraction's Hawkeye series (and steals its art style), and it cannot be understated how misguided that is. Hawkeye in the comics is completely different from the government agent with a bow and arrow that Jeremy Renner plays in the movies. Hawkeye in the comics is so badass that he went directly from a carnival to a life of crime to the Avengers. And then he eventually even led his own team of Avengers, WITH JUST A BOW AND ARROW. 

Comics Hawkeye would be like if this dude became an uncatchable international thief, then turned his life around and became a world-famous Navy SEAL. But just using his darts, the whole time. 

Comics Hawkeye is barely even the same character...

Speaking as a guy whose favorite DVD as a toddler was the first Raimi Spider-Man, as a guy who remembers going to the movies back in 2004 to see Spider-Man 2, as a guy who had at least two Spider-Man 3 playsets, as a kid who saved up all his money to buy the Amazing Spider-Man 2, and was disappointed and angry. This was the best Spider-Man movie ever. Every single character is done justice and each scene is perfect. This is an onscreen love letter to Spider-Man in cinema. I won't spoil anything here. Watch this one.

Anyways, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing why the hell Captain Picard is in the Doctor Strange trailer...

© 2020's Marvel Studios