Speed Reviewing the Shows I Didn't Review

Yeah, so you may have noticed that I diligently reviewed the first two Disney+ Marvel shows, as soon as their last episodes dropped. But anything post last summer didn't get a review. This is where I tie up those loose ends.

I thought this series was going to be a miss. I watched the first episode and HATED it. The animation was wonky, and the voice acting from a few of the celebrities was so bad that it took me out of the show. So I wound up turning it off and skipping the second episode.

Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.

I came back in on the third episode and I've got to say, in the opinion, of a lifelong comic-book fan, who's been following the MCU since it kicked off. This series felt like a love-letter / tribute to the fans.

Hearing and seeing Michael Douglas in the Yellowjacket costume was amazing. Even in the MCU, Hank Pym going batshit crazy makes sense. Pym has made reference to the fact that continued use of his particles warps your personality, so him losing his mind has already been set up. And it brings things full-circle, because Hank Pym / Yellowjacket in the comics is a notoriously mentally unstable man, living in the shadow of his days as Ant-Man.

I thought this show was going to be some MCU-themed cartoon with a star-studded cast until the third episode. That third episode made me realize that they were indeed interested in going to those strange, and dark places the comic used to go to.  

And you know, I've got to rant about the comic. My favorite issue of the comic will always be when the Nova Force (think Marvel's version of a Green Lantern Ring) starts picking unworthy  people to bestow itself on. And it eventually winds up picking a cigar-smoking bank robber, who uses his new cosmic powers to (obviously) rob a bank and to (not so obviously) kill every single superhero on earth. And of course Doom, Red Skull and a bunch of other villains get pissy about this so he kills them, too. The Nova Force (again, think of it as a Green Lantern ring) absolutely, always, inexplicably picks a worthy guy. So this story where it doesn't and everything goes to hell, is a treat. All of the superheroes on earth get killed because of one tiny, little change. This story essentially asks ,"What if an actual bad person got super powers?" And it really highlights how narrowly focused most Marvel stories are, and how the characters aren't too bad even when they're supposed to be. It really flips all the narrative tropes on their head. Those are my favorite kinds of What If? stories.

The Doctor Strange episode made the show seem like an MCU centered Twilight Zone. The Zombies episode was absolute perfection. That perfect blend of worldbuilding and homage. Never in a million years did I think I'd see this image -

get recreated onscreen. We'd always thought of the Zombies as something that would be lost in the aether of things that comics fans know about, but that Disney wouldn't dare touch. Things like the Hulk eating and murdering people, or Wolverine's gay son. But no, this show completely defied our expectations -

Also given that Thanos' pervert brother was apparently in the Eternals, maybe this is the edgy age of the MCU. 

For context, that blue chick is Nebula ... his niece...

But seriously, every single episode of this show (except maybe the first two episodes) is worth watching. Most of the onscreen cast voice their characters (even Jeff Goldblum) and it helps the show to do a decent job of making you believe that these are the same characters we see on the big screen. 

Also we got to see a proper Age of Ultron. All of the nerd rage over how small-scaled the movie was compared to that badass comic arc was extinguished. They really did it justice. 

 

This show has Erik Kilmonger outsmarting and killing Tony Stark, which I don't think would happen in a million years. Even if Tony never got humbled by being kidnapped. This Kilmonger character is a fan favorite, because little kids and women think he's hot/cool. But Black Panther was a mediocore movie and he was a 2-D cliched villain. He sucks but he makes a lot of money on merchandising. 

Sometimes the character models for the character look absolutely nothing like who they're supposed to. And in some cases they look so generic it's hard to tell who they are even supposed to be upon first glance. 

Nonetheless, this show was amazing and I looked forward to watching it every week. 

Wow, this was a fundamental exercise in how not to make a show. I watched every single episode of this show and I only vaguely remember what happens in it. There's just so much going on that you can't focus on any one plot thread.  

Will Hawkeye make it home for Christmas? Who does Kate's mom work for? Is Armand actually hiding something? What is it? Who is Echo's uncle/boss at the head of everything? Why is Hawkeye's wife so obsessed with the watch?

That's how many threads are going on by the fourth episode.  And they add more with each episode. Which makes this show a damn chore to watch. The fast-paced action and banter between Clint and Kate are addictively fun to watch. But all of that is intercut with slow-paced "secretive" and "mysterious" scenes of characters talking to unseen people, or acting unrealistically suspicious. There doesn't always have to be a big reveal, dammit. Just show us shit like a normal show. The pacing of this show isn't bad, but it just feels off.  

Also, Kingpin did absolutely nothing here. He was clearly only put in this show to sync up with No Way Home's Charlie Cox Daredevil reveal. I don't at all think it's a coincidence that they perfectly timed the reveal of Vincent D'onofrio's Kingpin in this show, with the release of Spider-Man: No Way Home. The big question that had been on everyone's minds since the Netflix shows were canceled, was whether any of it would be considered canon. And the answer was "Yes, we paid those actors/showrunners millions of dollars, we'll be damned if they try to jump ship." 

This show tries to adapt Matt Fraction's Hawkeye series (and steals its art style), and it cannot be understated how misguided that is. Hawkeye in the comics is completely different from the government agent with a bow and arrow that Jeremy Renner plays in the movies. Hawkeye in the comics is so badass that he went directly from a carnival to a life of crime to the Avengers. And then he eventually even led his own team of Avengers, WITH JUST A BOW AND ARROW. 

Comics Hawkeye would be like if this dude became an uncatchable international thief, then turned his life around and became a world-famous Navy SEAL. But just using his darts, the whole time. 

Comics Hawkeye is barely even the same character...

Speaking as a guy whose favorite DVD as a toddler was the first Raimi Spider-Man, as a guy who remembers going to the movies back in 2004 to see Spider-Man 2, as a guy who had at least two Spider-Man 3 playsets, as a kid who saved up all his money to buy the Amazing Spider-Man 2, and was disappointed and angry. This was the best Spider-Man movie ever. Every single character is done justice and each scene is perfect. This is an onscreen love letter to Spider-Man in cinema. I won't spoil anything here. Watch this one.

Anyways, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing why the hell Captain Picard is in the Doctor Strange trailer...

© 2020's Marvel Studios

The Batman (2022) Review

 So last night I went to go see Matt Reeves' The Batman. 

And it was worth every penny I paid for the ticket. This is a different kind of Batman movie. You want to come into this movie pretending like you have no prior knowledge of Batman or any of his rogues gallery. Because this is a very unique interpretation.

The Characters

Firstly, Robert Pattinson does an amazing job as Bruce Wayne/Batman. This movie is set in the second year of Batman's career, so he isn't really the grizzled Caped Crusader, yet. No one trusts him, and criminals mock him instead of running away. Bruce Wayne is just a character he plays to gain leverage against criminals. Most of the time we see Bruce Wayne, he still has his eye makeup on and is covered in sweat and dirt. And despite the fact that no one is really scared of him yet, this movie does a great job of painting Batman as a slasher villain to criminals. He has his own musical queue, he walks slowly, and you can hear every press of his boot against the ground. And no one can beat him hand-to-hand. At this point in his career, Batman is more of an obsessive rich guy running around in a suit beating up criminals. 

Alfred is far more of a father figure to Bruce than we've ever seen him onscreen. Even moreso than Michael Caine in The Dark Knight trilogy. He doesn't really believe in all of this Batman stuff, yet, and he's reluctant to help Bruce out.

Selina Kyle (who's never referred to as Catwoman) is also there for most of the movie. She's a perfect character - except when both her and Batman are onscreen. The romance between them feels really forced, however the movie leaves it ambiguous whether she actually likes him, or if she's just playing him to get what she wants.

But the best character in this movie by far, is the Riddler. 

Matt Reeves was the perfect director for this movie. This interpretation of the Riddler is more of a hodgepodge of a couple real-life American serial killers and criminals. He stalks people and breaks into their houses like the Golden-State Killer. But he's also an insanely intelligent, yet disturbed outcast who's deeply obsessed with ciphers, bombs, and riddles. Like the Unabomber. And then he hosts insane livestreams, and has his own radicalized online fanbase like more modern killers. Make no mistake, he's still terrifying and unpredictable. Whenever he's physically onscreen, he hides in the shadows, and is brutally violent. And Batman doesn't even catch him. He gets caught on purpose and stays in Arkham for the rest of the movie. This is probably the most grounded and realistic interpretation of the character. He's a mixture of some of the most insane and unbelievable real-life criminals, and those twisted fucks you meet on an online chatroom at 3AM.  Once he's unmasked, he starts making these insane facial expressions and repeatedly screams like he's autistic. And at first, its hard not to laugh at the absurdity, until you realize that its not supposed to be funny. The movie is just conveying that this guy has more than a few screws missing.

Picture this face, but more goofy looking...

The story is also pretty solid. It's early in Batman's career and there's a crazy guy in a mask terrorizing the city. This movie really knows how to keep you on the edge of your seat. It leaves a lot of things ambiguous, and is really good at pulling the rug out from under you. The opening scene of this movie is a first-person view of some binoculars spying on someone in a big house. Clearly this movie is getting right into the action, with Batman hot on the heels of an obvious criminal. Then the guy gazes up at the skylight, and you slowly start to realize that this isn't Batman. 

At one point, you think that the Riddler has just brutally killed some random rich guy, but the next scene reveals that it was THE MAYOR of the city. There's a scene where Selina comes across a heavy-hitting criminal and he treats her like an old flame. And you obviously would conclude that she's probably seducing him. But then it turns out to be something completely different. Sometimes the movie fakes you out for what seems like no narrative reason. This movie is a thrill ride, and feels far closer to Seven or Zodiac, than any other Batman movie. Which is strange, because David Fincher has nothing to do with this movie.

My favorite thing this movie does is not treat the audience like they're stupid. This is probably the first on-screen movie that even features Batman, that doesn't show us the murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne. The movie assumes that you've seen a Batman movie before, and don't need to know where he came from. Also, the aspects of the story that are grounded in realism (no one saying "Catwoman", and people thinking Batman is just a crazy LARPer) make the fantastical parts (Riddler screaming like a madman, the Batmobile) stick out far more than they would in a regular comic-book movie.

Also this movie ends with the first (unless you count The Dark Knight Rises) on-screen adaptation of No Man's Land. 

Everyone's least favorite Batman story...

Flooding the city and causing rampant death and chaos is the Riddler's ultimate goal. And he succeeds. From behind bars. This Riddler is a perfect representation of a Batman villain in a realistic setting. He's obsessive and insanely intelligent to a point where he's interesting. But he's also strange and violent enough to be revolting. You wouldn't want to come across this guy. 

Final Verdict

GO SEE THIS MOVIE. 7 out of 10.