Joe's (Totally Not) Diary: Alphabetically Reviewing My Music Collection Week 13: All Hail the Yeti Part 2

Well, well, well.

Look who came crawling back to Joe's Not Diary to finish up the review series on All Hail the Yeti?

I knew you'd be back. I didn't know if I'd be back. After two straight weeks of this shit, I can tell you one thing for sure.

I'm fucking tired of listening to All Hail the Yeti. Let's get this over with.

This week we're reviewing their self-titled album. So yeah, let's get to it.

Deep Creek

Ooh, this one is already off to a way better start than the last one. The vocals are just nasty. Connor Garrity (Can I stop saying 'the vocalist', now? It's been two weeks. I know the whole lineup by name.) sounds like a hobgoblin every time he shrieks out those lyrics.

Speaking of, Deep Creek is about a ten-foot-tall swamp monster. At this point, I don't know if it's a real legend or AHTY made it up. Which is exactly what I would expect from a band named "All Hail the YETI." Not songs about Jonestown and hating scene kids.

This is an earworm and my description cannot possibly do the song justice. Give it a listen.

When the Sky Falls

This song is badass. There's no gap between the beginning of this track and the end of the first one. It immediately kicks off with rapid speaking from Connor that morphs into pained shrieking and beautiful singing. I don't know what happened between this record and the last but Connor sounds so much different. His screams sound nasty. And we get to hear all the different shades of his voice throughout this song.

From what I can tell (I didn't fucking write it, so I'm not 100%) this song is about Satan influencing another Angel to follow him before being cast out of Heaven. Good stuff, so far.

Suicide Woods

Y'all remember a couple years ago when Logan Paul was in hot water for going to the Japanese Suicide Woods, cracking inappropriate jokes, and showing dead bodies on YouTube? This song and video are about the same Suicide Woods.

With 100% fewer career-derailing jokes

and punchable faces.

This is an okay song. The simplistic guitar riffing and the lack of a solo make it seem more reminiscent of Southern rock. Someone in the comments of the YouTube video said that this song has Nickelback level guitar playing. That's about right. The spoken parts feel like they're pulled right out of a Mushroomhead song. (Which just makes me want to go listen to Mushroomhead.)

I don't know what the fuck the song is about because half of these songs don't have their lyrics posted anywhere and I'm definitely not going to be the one to transcribe them. My money is on it being about someone killing themselves, though.

The Art of Mourning

Now, they went all out on this one. This is one of their best songs. When I think All Hail the Yeti, 'The Art of Mourning' is one of the first things that pops into my head. This song is damn near as perfect as those balls Tom Brady deflated.

This track opens up with a unique rendition of 'O, Death.' And then you hear one of the most metal harmonica solos ever. (What're there like five in existence, tops?) All while the bass and the drums pound.

The refrain of this song always gets stuck in my head. Connor's horrid screaming layered under his sweet singing just makes that last one so much more memorable.

And unlike the last few songs, I can definitely tell you the story of this one. Back in the Old West, a soon retiring killer for hire finds his family assassinated. So he hunts down the motherfuckers that did it and brutally kills each of them. It's basically an Old West version of Old Man Logan with a little bit of Punisher mixed in. I also like the way the song repeatedly asks, "This is justice, but what does it prove?" It's as if it doesn't want you to feel good about the poor guy getting his revenge.

The Weak and Wounded

So this one is more of a prelude to the following track. It's a creepy interview session between a doctor and a possessed patient. The whole thing reeks of creepiness and claustrophobia. And it segues right into the next track.

After the Great Fire

I don't know if it's the choir of children, how tortured Connor's screaming sounds, or the groovy chugging during the verses but this track is just perfect. The solo just seems neverending. The samples tie in just enough for the lyrics to keep you satisfied but still wondering. The harmony on every "After the Great Fire!" gives the line 300% more impact and melody. And I also think it's awesome towards the end when Connor starts chanting "I am the devil, I am the smoke!"

For context, this song (and all of the samples) is based on a psych horror movie called Session 9. I've personally never gotten around to watching it but everyone that has says it's amazing. And All Hail the Yeti liked it so much they wrote a song about it.

It's a good listen.

Bloodguilt

This is another amazing track. The drummer kicks it off perfectly. The vocals are on point from the very beginning. There's a very interesting guitar lick during each pre-chorus. In fact, the guitar work is completely on point here. Especially during that breakdown. My favorite part of this song, and possibly the entire album is the way they scream the name of the song over the last few seconds of the song.

All it takes is one listen to know what this track is about; a nappy-headed ho that left my man Connor for some other bro. Snoop Dogg would certainly approve of the thrashing this song gives her. Fuck her.

I Am Wendigod

It honestly feels a little weird that we live in a world where no one thinks I'm a weirdo for knowing what a wendigo is. (Thanks Until Dawn.)

This song encourages the listener to feast on that tasty human flesh and blood and become a fucking Wendigo. Why? Because the fucking Wendigod says so. (Once again, this is exactly the kind of track I'd expect and want from a band called All Hail the YETI)

This track really ain't nothing special instrumentally. There's a short spoken introduction that's in some kind of native tongue.

To be honest, this song feels like it was made specifically for an AMV.

I guarantee you that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Axe Murder Hollow

I swear that these guys have Zakk Wylde ghost-guitaring on some of these tracks.

This was definitely the fucking heaviest track so far. Nonstop screaming on top of endless chugging and abusive drumming. I don't know what the fuck "Axe Murder Hollow" is but it's definitely the perfect name for this song.

I wasn't too much a fan of that whole minute of feedback noises in the beginning though. This isn't Metal Machine Music. Guitar feedback is not ambiance, it's just guitar feedback.

Ruby Ridge (Every Knee Shall Bow)

Ah, the early 90's gun control crises.

For those of y'all who don't know, Ruby Ridge was an 11-day standoff between gun enthusiast, (and alleged white separatist) Randy Weaver, the F.B.I. and the U.S. Marshalls. It left Weaver's son, wife, and dog dead, and a community of fellow gun enthusiasts pissed the fuck off. The OKC bomber even cited it as one of the incidents he was seeking revenge for. Looking through the lens of today, it honestly probably could've been handled better.

But we did get this dope-ass song out of it.

This song sounds pretty good. It's got the usual groovy riffing, screaming, and singing. The big difference here is that the lyrics are really telling a story this time. Connor sounds uniquely pissed off.

Judas Cradle

This may possibly be the best song on the album. This is the only track on the album (or that I've ever heard from AHTY) that actually sounds upbeat during the chorus. I love how fucking tortured Connor sounds at the end of the song. The track fades out with incoherent screaming, riffing, and gang vocalizing.

I know I say this a lot but that's definitely fitting, given the title of the song. The Judas Cradle was a medieval torture device that consisted of a huge erected pyramid whose tip was inserted into the victim's business end. And then they forcefully lowered you down onto it.

You can picture the rest.

This is a very different track instrumentally. And I dig it. This was the perfect way to end the album.

Or at least it would have been.

This song has fifteen minutes of swamp ambiance tacked onto the end of it. And after actually listening to it for a few minutes, instead of fifteen minutes of genuine ambiance, it seems more like fifteen minutes of the same twenty-second loop of crickets, birds, water, and frogs. Which sucks, because I actually felt awesome for the first minute and a half. It gave the illusion that I had been listening to some kind of exotic concert in a swamp and now that their performance was over, the band was sailing away on some wooden raft. But about three minutes in, it feels like you're just sitting there listening to royalty-free nature sounds. Which is exactly what the fuck you're doing.

And guess what happens after those fifteen minutes?

No, seriously guess!

If you guessed literally anything, then congratulations on knowing how to end a record better than All Hail the Yeti. Because the correct answer is "fucking nothing. "

I'm so done with this band, right now.

Final Verdict / What Do I Think?

I don't know what the fuck happened on the album I listened to last week. This record was awesome. All Hail the Yeti is basically Pantera with more violent screaming and tad bit less groove. And I can dig that. I've listened to some more of their recent stuff and they have broken that repetitive mold on Screams From a Black Wilderness. And I mean broke it.

My biggest issue with the band is their lyrics. Even when it seems like they're saying something deep, if you read along to the song, 75% of the time it's either completely nonsensical or simplistic.

I know I'm railing on them, but I've been listening to this band since my first few days of High School. I'm definitely going to keep listening to them. Just no time soon.

Join us next time when we tackle Deathcore behemoths All Shall Perish!

Joe's (Totally Not) Diary

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Alphabetically Reviewing My Music Collection Week 13: All Hail the Yeti Part 2