But don't worry I can explain. Actually, no I can’t. I've been busy. Sometime in between attending classes, doing shit with my organization, and socializing, the blog got put on the backburner.
And now it's flamebroiled.
Which at Burger King means "burnt so badly it caught on fire."
And you wouldn't want my innocent cursor to get third-degree burns from touching that firey-ass "New Post" button would you? What kind of sick animal would do something like that?
Ask yourself, if it were your cursor would you want to
put him through that? Think of the pixels, dammit!
All jokes aside, I honestly can't make any promises about having a consistent posting schedule.
But I've got two weeks worth of untold jokes, and hilarious escapades up my sleeve and I can most definitely guarantee one thing.
When I do post something it's going to be funny as hell. Godspeed, habibis. I will return.
I'm on my way up to the area I usually sit in to write these posts. It's a seven minute walk from where I am right now. Or maybe it's five. Hell if I can gauge it.
I've been up for three hours, I can definitely tell you that.
But that's neither here northere.
Retarded joke is retarded.
I can see through one of the windows in the dorm that someone has a TV on. Maybe there's someone else up at this hour. Or maybe they just sleep with the TV on. Who knows?
And more importantly who fucking cares?
It's about 5:30 and it's 40° out here. I'm listening to the Cars. Because that one song by the cars is the shit.
It doesn't get much weirder than this. Well, maybe it does. But I'm pretty sure you'd have to cross into illegal territory. And I'm not into doing that.
Not yet anyway...
Speaking of illegal territory, the campus police are slowly cruising behind me...
In a big white van.
It's pitch black out here and the parking lot is fucking empty.
What do you mean there's a kid in the picture? All I see is a pole.
Given they're at least a hundred feet back, so I shouldn't have seen them. I just happened to look back as they were turning a corner.
Don't get me wrong, I do get why they're following me (if they even are). Slowly strolling up to the front of the campus, while chewing gum and listening to Blue Oyster Cult at five in the morning does kinda give off an American Psycho-esque vibe. The average person would probably feel unsafe if they saw someone like that outside of their house at four in the morning.
And honestly the only reason I'm not scared out here is because I've done this at the very least twenty times. The scariest thing out here is low flying Hawks. (Which are pants-shittingly scary the first time you see them.)
"OH MY GOD! IT'S A FUCKING DEM -
Oh, it's just a bird."
Welp.
I'm finally up at here at the sitting area. I feel like ending this entry right here. Thank you for taking this journey with me.
The campus is dead. There's not a single fucker out here but me. All week around this time there's been athletes piling into the Rec Center.
Where are they now?
Did every single one of them decide to take Sunday off?
Surely just one person had to stay committed. Maybe they lock the buildings up on Sunday or something. I can't imagine that every single one of those athletes is either religious or too lazy to get up and work out on Sunday.
I don't want to sound preachy or trash anyone, but if you're going to live a lifestyle you gotta live it. Through sickness, and health. Through good moods and bad. Through madness and clarity. You can't let what you feel inside make you forsake who you are. Cause if you let your feelings define you then just who will you become?
No one. That's who.
But I'm not here to tell people how to live. I'm here to blog.
And this blog ain't funny any more. I enjoy writing it far more than before because I'm actually being authentic. But it just ain't funny no more.
Fuck it. I don't care.
The moon is covered by fog this morning. It looks like something of an 80's horror movie. I'd take a picture of it, if I didn't think it would look like complete ass.
I took this one, yesterday...
Speaking of ass, I wonder what Kendra Wilkinson is up to nowadays.
I got kicked out of the library trying to find this picture. You'd better enjoy it.
Last I heard, she caught her husband fucking a he-she (Can we still call them that? Is my blog going to be gone tomorrow morning?) and was doing the talk show circuit. I don't know how the hell that was supposed to help anything.
I'm not liable if you get cancer from watching this.
You, a reckless NFL wide receiver who's married to a former Playmate, get on there and Dr. Phil asks you "Why did you fuck that ladyboy?" And the answer is either "I married a Playboy Bunny, and you're expecting me to display normal sexual conduct? The fuck outta here." Or the more obvious, "I clearly thought she was a woman. I like women. I'm a simple man, so I fucked, my relationship notwithstanding."
But they can't say that so he has to come up with an elaborate bullshit story about how he's been struggling with drug abuse since he was a three-year old in Beverly Hills. And then his dad wasn't around so he looked up to MC Hammer which made him start to objectify women and become a sex addict.
And it will sound so good. But if you step back and put things into perspective you'll scratch your head and ask "What does all of this shit have to do with him cheating on his wife with a transvestite?"
In my opinion crazy shit like this is why TV will never die.
And CNN reporting abject nonsense. That will keep it afloat, too...
I quite frankly don't have much to say this morning.
I woke up at the same time as usual. 5:30 sharp. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, pushed up and sat up all within fifteen minutes. I was really fucking happy about all that. Yet somehow I still wound up leaving the dorm later than usual. Go figure.
YouTube is on point this morning. I'm listening to "If You Could Read My Mind" right now. It auto-played after "This Guy's in Love With You." That was an excellent selection. And I know I sound like I'm being a kiss-up, but I haven't seen auto-play do something that smooth in weeks, when it played a Slipknot after another Slipknot song (AI is amazing, am I right?) I don't know why or how but all roads seem to lead to "Kickstart My Heart."
Listening to Suicide Silence? In ten songs you'll be listening to "Kickstart my Heart."
Rocking out to Sammy Hagar? "Kickstart My Heart" came out in the same era as that song! Let's listen to that next.
Oh you dig Iron Maiden, huh? But have you ever heard "Kickstart My Heart", though?
I've seen YouTube go fromplaying death metal to power metal to hair metal just so it could play "Kickstart My Heart."
I don't know if these S.O.B.'s paid off Wojcicski, or if the algorithim
was programmed by a fucking troll...
I don't know if it's like this for everyone but my auto-play is fucking broken.
Rant over.
Speaking of music I've been really digging 50's and 60's tunes lately. Maybe it's high time for another installment of "Music I've Been Listening To."
Yep.
I tried this thing yesterday where I locked myself in a room for two hours and did nothing but read, watch, and listen to my own creations. And boy, did I learn something.
In the past, I've written a lot of things that I thought would benefit my future self. I've written down my thoughts about small talk, confidence, and worry.
I've just been constantly forsaking my own judgement in pursuit of some kind of external enlightenment.
And you know what the funny thing about that is? One of the reasons I locked myself in that room was because a couple days ago I came to the conclusion that a lot of the things we search for externally are already inside of us.
This month is passing by quickly. The funny thing is that it seems like it took no time for it to get to February, but now the days feel like actual days. It feels like time is actually starting to slow back down to what it's supposed to be.
I can't tell if it's on my shoes or somebody spilled bleach out here where I'm sitting.
One thing I can tell is that the effectiveness of Google's speech-to-text recognition has atrophied..
Although it did understand the word "atrophied."
2 steps forward 15 steps back.
This morning I feel melancholy again. It's not a bad feeling. It's not a good feeling either, though. It inspires thought. It helps me think about who I am and what I don't like about my life. And because my life motto is basically just the entirety of the lyrics to the song "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head", I know I'm not gonna change a damn thing by complaining.
But, that doesn't stop me from feeling anxious and regretful.
Despite that I'm going to keep going on. It seems like the best days have the worst mornings. SO this isn't the end.
But sometimes I'd just like to wake up feeling like Stan Smith from American Dad.
Why am I so far behind schedule and why am I listening to such a depressing song so early in the morning?
Because sometimes I just feel...
melancholy.
Sometimes I second guess every little thing I do. Sometimes I feel guilty and unconfident. Afraid to be myself. I want to blame other people, but if it's words dragging me down, then who else can I blame but me?
I'm not too fond of writing this here. I mean, I don't mind suffering publicly in case I potentially show someone else they're not alone. But it just doesn't look good. This blog used to be the written equivalent of a Teletubbies episode.
It was happy and optimistic and you never knew when some
Now it feels like it's a fucking rant journal or a literal diary. Which is the very thing that it's not supposed to be. I don't know what the fuck to say...
But you know what?
The lyrics for any non-metal enthusiast who still wants to get the message...
(You're an idiot if you actually leaned back and checked.)
I just got done belting out Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head. I've done it so many times it might as well be part of my morning ritual.
I had a good-ass time last night. I hung with Eta Sigma Xi at their Fraternity House. We played a couple of VG's. And if there's one thing I can tell you about all of them, it's that they're chill as fuck, warm and welcoming. And I think they've rubbed off on me just a tiny bit.
Just a tad bit, you know?
I kinda want to join them so I can learn their ways and teach them to any little guys that remind of me myself. But I haven't gotten old enough to meet anyone like that anyone. But when it does happen, pledged or not, I'm gonna be taking some kids under my wing.
Me when I find some socially awkward freshmen, next year.
Also yesterday (I really should start writing these right before I go to bed) inspired by Dale Carnegie, I pulled a reverse R.E.M.
So I basically stood in the middle of an empty field and found Jesus.
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living has undoubtedly helped me to change my life and reduce my stress. So I don't feel like Carnegie is steering me wrong in recommending prayer to fight anxiety. Maybe he is. Maybe he was just shamelessly shilling for religion. I honestly don't care.
To be honest, after three years of skepticism, I can tell you, I'd rather be happy and free from worry than neurotic and right about anything. If that takes a life of prayer to achieve, then so be it. I'm not encouraging anyone else to be ignorant, or not to explore different points of view. Hell I've went to the ends of Atheism, Satanism, sun worship and back. I'm not promoting the church, or religion, or spirituality, either. To each his own. I just know what works for me and quite frankly would rather feel happy.
Later one of the dudes from my organization wants to meet up. I don't know why, but if I had to take a wild guess I'd say it was about making an app. That's what happens when you introduce yourself as an app maker. There's no harm in that, though. I am an app maker. I've just been a bit uninspired of late.
So I've got that goin' for me which is nice. And I don't say that sarcastically. (There's a first time for everything.)
Well y'all, this about wraps this one up.
Remember to be true to yourselves and to forge your own paths. The world already had Michael Jackson, James Dean, MLK and Gandhi. The greatest gift you can give it is you.
Today is the second day of the second month. I wish I could also say it was the second hour too, but you can't win them all, you know?
I'm sitting outside in the usual area. Across the street from Burger King.
My throat is burning because that's how my body responds to whole milk. I've also got to take a shit, despite just having done that at the very most 10 minutes ago. Oh human anatomy how beautiful and strange you are!
But, you know what I've really been thinking about lately?
I wish I had one of those, myself. Hell, maybe I would if I didn't talk about them like they were cattle! I don't know!
It's just that sometimes solving this million piece puzzle we call life seems like a never-ending disco. And John Travolta just walked through the door so I don't think it's ending anytime soon.
I know I've been gone for a little while. That's my bad. I started back going to college on the 18th and I've been dragging my foot on finding a set time to update this blog.
So my order of operations is going to be uploading my most recent journal entries (as in the one from the morning), archiving the entries from this week so there's no massive break in the narrative, and then uploading my older entries from 2018.
