First off, one of those judges thought he was 2 Chainz, last night.
"PULL UP TO THE FIGHTS, WITH MY EYES CLOSED!"
There's no way anyone in their right mind thought Paulo Costa won more than two rounds against Strickland. That guy must have thought the damage scoring criteria meant the more damage you take, the more points you get.
All jokes aside, this was a solid card with some bangers and some snoozefests.
Roman Kopylov vs. Cesar Almeida
Sometimes I wonder if people overlook the "mixed arts" part of mixed martial arts. It's 2024, and fighters are still making it to the UFC with only one discipline. We just saw another undefeated prospect, Robelis Despaigne, get held down for three rounds because he didn't know how to grapple. Almeida definitely could have finished the fight standing, but he couldn't even get back to his feet against Roman, who was basically doing his best impression of a human blanket.
I know Almeida is old, but who's telling their fighters, "We know your grappling is worse than a high school freshman, but striking is all you need"? Some of these gyms aren't even letting guys mention competing in MMA until they get a few BJJ tournaments and Muay Thai fights in. How are these guys who look like they've never grappled in their lives making it into the UFC? Next time I see an "up and coming" undefeated prospect get held down so easily, I'm turning the fight off. This is the second card where someone lost their undefeated record because they couldn't defend against basic grappling...
Randy Brown vs. Elizeu Zaleski dos Santos
Randy Brown is one tough cookie. (You have to be a special kind of tough to take off all your clothes and fight in a cage, but I digress.) That neck crank in the second round was tight as a drum. To escape that and end up on Dos Santos' back was some next-level wizardry. Can't wait to see Randy climb the ranks.
Alex Morono vs. Niko Price
I had only been watching since the Almeida fight, and this was the third fight in a row that went the distance. Midway through, I realized Niko Price was the guy Robbie Lawler beat in his retirement fight. That UFC 292 card was wild—six first-round finishes! That night was unforgettable. Then I fell asleep and woke up to find this fight was over.
Kevin Holland vs. Michal Oleksiejczuk
I've watched Kevin Holland fight more than anyone else in the UFC. If someone else is more active, they must be living in the Octagon because it feels like he fights every other month.
Kevin got cracked on the feet immediately, which makes me question his kung-fu base. He danced around until one of the most badass sequences of the night happened.
Oleksiejczuk floored Kevin with a right hook and dove in for the ground and pound. Kevin managed to wrap his legs around Oleksiejczuk's neck and arms, hyperextending his limb. Oleksiejczuk refused to tap, so Kevin broke his arm. Herb Dean had to shove his hand in Oleksiejczuk’s face to get him to get off the canvas (hilarious), and Oleksiejczuk protested while his arm hung limp. Wow.
Paulo Costa vs. Sean Strickland
Maybe it's just because I'm still a newbie to the sport, but Paulo Costa is motherfucking huge for middleweight. Sean looked like a scrawny kid standing in front of him. The fact that he ever makes it to 185 pounds is baffling, to me.
This fight went exactly as predicted. Sean walked Costa down until he withered. I honestly thought Costa would get some hits in towards the end, and he did. He stepped on the gas and possibly won the fifth round. Possibly. But Sean Strickland, being chaos incarnate, dropped Costa with a head kick in the final fifteen seconds (which would have put most people out) and had him running away until the final bell.
Sean's style may not work against everyone, but when it does, the other fighter melts like butter in the sun. It's like watching a lion hunt. He successfully walked down the guy who walked down Yoel Romero (who could probably walk down an actual lion).
Editor's Note: Apparently one judge gave Costa four rounds. That's not even bad judging. It's just blatantly wrong. What fight was that guy watching? Was he high?
But enough MMA math, on to the main event.
Islam Machachev vs. Dustin Poirier
It's well documented on this blog that I don't like Islam. But I respect his talent.
I'm upset about this one. I wanted Poirier to knock him out. By the fifth round, he’d already rocked him, cut him open, and stuffed many of his takedowns. That's the best anyone has done against Islam in years. All Dustin had to do was make it to the final bell. But alas, the Dagestani youth steroid cycles are just too good. Islam channeled his inner Tony Ferguson and submitted Dustin with a D'Arce choke in the fifth round. If he’d reached the final bell, he arguably would have done the best anyone's done against the champion, even though he probably would have lost 5-0 (or 3-2, with the blind judging going on).
Editor's Note: Reporters confirmed that two judges had the fight 2-2 going into the fifth. Dustin could've won the robbery of the year, had he made it out of the fifth round.
After the fight, Islam talked about moving up to 170 and fighting for the belt. This is nonsense. He's only fought one lightweight contender and Volk, twice. Volk is not a lightweight. I can see Tsarukyan giving him a tough fight, and Gaethje could knock him out if the fight goes into the later rounds. He's old, and unlike Khabib, Islam looks vulnerable. He should fight all these contenders before moving up to another belt. What if he gets the welterweight belt and then pulls a McGregor, taking years off to do Sambo or something? It's frustrating because, as much as I don't like him, we all know Islam is that guy. His striking is solid, and his grappling and submissions are top-tier. He's a nightmare matchup for almost everyone, which he showed during his rise. Why does he want to jump divisions?
Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
Whatever the hell happens, I hope they get rid of these goofy-looking championship gloves. I understand the tape is necessary to show the gloves haven't been tampered with, but honestly, the blue and red on yellow makes it look like these dudes are about to join the Avengers. It's like they're fighting in half-naked superhero cosplay. Next thing you know, they'll be shooting webs and summoning lightning in the Octagon. Come on, UFC, let's leave the comic book fashion trends to Comic-Con.
