Thursday, August 11, 2022

A Half-Assed Kenobi Review

I've already reviewed episodes I-IV of this show.

Firstly, yes that final fight between Vader and Obi-Wan was the most badass thing I've seen in a long time. It was almost worth sitting through the eight hours of boring nothingness that preceded it. 

Almost.

Before I even start, I'm going to admit that I barely finished the show. I skipped half of the fifth episode, and skimmed through the sixth one. The only reason I didn't publish my initial review is because EVERY OTHER REVIEWER on the internet said the same thing I did. But shit, this is my show, and I get to call the shots here.

Kenobi was fucking boring. It was so goddamn boring that I didn't even enjoy skewering it on the blog. Usually when I'm watching something bad, I'm already stockpiling everything I'm going to say in my review and I can't wait to finish it. This show bored me to absolute tears.  I could not force myself to sit through it. I could write a better show than this. It was nothing but fanservice with pointless filler in between. Yes, I liked seeing Hayden Christensen as Anakin. Yes, I loved every single time Darth Vader was onscreen. Yes, I laughed every time Obi-wan cracked a snarky one-liner. Yes, I gushed when I saw Liam fucking Neeson in the last episode. But, why did I have to sit through six hours of filler to see all of that?


For this, I admit it was worth it...


The problem with making Star Wars shows set in between the main saga, is that we already know what the fuck happens. So there's absolutely no tension. Obi-Wan is not going to die. Leia is never in any danger. If a new character shows up, he can't do anything too significant without some annoying retconning. And he HAS TO either die or be so insignificant that we never need to see him again. 



When Ice Cube is part of the story but everyone fails to mention it...


How the fuck did these people manage to make Star Wars of all things unexciting and tensionless? Even though The Phantom Menace is poorly written and has no plot, there's nonstop action, people die, and shit explodes. There's actual stakes. In Kenobi, they do the same thing over and over again and then jam all the characters into their starting positions for the original trilogy and all the side characters die / fade into obscurity. Because they have to. 

This is the equivalent of me one day telling you a badass story with a solid ending and then every day afterwards coming back and telling you little minute details that have no impact on the story whatsoever.  

Also, I see Disney is coming out with another Bore Wars show either this year or next year. I didn't watch the fucking trailer, I'm on a Disney sabbatical after having to die through Ms. Marvel. I've literally never heard of the character that's in it, nor have I even seen the lead actor. And normally I'd take that as a good sign, but it's been eleven years. 


I'm not stupid...


Episode I-II Review

Episode III-IV Review


I don't own any of these fucking pictures; don't sue me Disney

No comments:

Post a Comment