Wind Deities Hyperventilate Because Spilled Milk is In Their Fates

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Good morning and welcome to Joe's (Totally Not) Diary, where the grammar is made up and Dan Carey is definitely not your host.

But we do have gifs of Wayne Brady!

© Angst Productions | The CW Television Network 

This morning I feel unconfident (that's a word right?). I don't know why. Some days you just wake up on the wrong side of inspiration, you know? Sometimes it feels like you've got to kill a couple of orcs before you can be back to feeling like your old haughty, confident self you know? Too bad orcs aren't real.

But you know what is real? How fucking cold it is this morning. That weather god guy probably got caught slacking off last week because he is most certainly doing his job hard as fuck this morning. 

And this time the SOB is going for the promotion...

Jesus, if the wind blows any harder I'm going to have to give it a tip.

 I know the way out.

So today I go back to Columbus. I'm not so excited about that. But I've learned to make peace with the inevitable, you know? No used crying over spilled milk and no use crying over milk that must be spilled. We just have to accept that when the milk hits the floor, it's gone, and there's nothing we can do about it. Except pour ourselves some more milk.


The real tearjerker is that I've created a hypothetical world where everyone apparently really hates milk.

"That'll teach you to be a good source of protein, you piece of shit!"

© MediaBakery

The wind is now knocking shit off of balconies.  Let me get the fuck back inside before I wind up the only casualty in a Five AM impromptu tornado. Which would admittedly be a stupid-ass way to die.  I can already hear the whispers at my funeral.

"Didn't he hear the tornado coming? Was he deaf or something?" 

"Why the fuck was he outside at five in the morning? Why didn't he take a lawnmower for safety if he had to go out?"

"What kind of backwoods hillbilly shit is this? Who the fuck dies in a tornado in 2019?"  

"I wonder if we're gonna eat after the memorial service? I hope they have fried chicken."


I would rather die from diarrhea than being the lone jackass killed in a tornado. At least diarrhea is a funny way to go.

Relevant...

© Metro Trains Melbourne

Shine on you crazy diamonds.