Zack Snyder's Justice League Review

 

I LOVED this. I didn't think I would have the attention span to sit through four hours of movie, but I was very wrong. This movie was so good, I forgive Warner Brothers for Justice League. 

 

Watching the original cut of Justice League was the worst film-going experience I've had to date. I left the theater in the middle of the movie to get food. That's how monumentally boring it was.  That movie was so bad, I vividly remember leaving the theater after it was over. When the movie was over and the five of us watching walked out, we were all looking at the floor confused. And one guy looked at me in the face, and said with confusion in his voice, and an uneaten bag of popcorn in his hand ,"That was bad." And me and the four other people all said "Yes, it was." Everyone was very disappointed and confused. I wish I was exaggerating. Five random people bonded, albeit for seconds, over a bad movie. That's how mind-boggingly bad that movie was. I enjoyed the overpriced theater hotdog I ate during the movie, more than watching the movie. I was so mad when I got home, I unironically wanted my money back. Like no joke, I didn't even feel like I had watched a movie. And every opportunity I've had to watch Justice League again, I've turned down. And I've watched Suicide Squad three times. I've watched Birds of Prey, twice.

I always thought about how much of a monumental failure it was, to put the world's first superhero team on the big-screen, and make a bad movie. Everyone know the Justice League. Even my 50-year old Dad who hasn't watched TV or read anything but a Bible in thirty years, watched the Super-Friends when he was a kid. My grandparents read Superman and Batman comics as children. How the hell do you make a bad movie with iconic characters like Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and the Flash? The odds HAVE to be against you. You have to actively be trying to make that movie bad. That's the difference between Justice League and the other bad DCEU movies. The other ones are just shitty superhero movies. Justice League is a catastrophic failure of American Cinema.

The Synder Cut erases all of that. Everything that was wrong with Justice League is fixed. The terrible CGI? Fixed. The lack of character motivations? Fixed. The horrendously bad dialogue and out of place humor? Mostly fixed. This is still a Zack Snyder film...

Zack "Batman Could Get Raped In My Movies" Snyder

This movie works as a follow up to Batman v. Superman. And now, it is a true Justice League movie, instead of six losers screwing around until Superman shows up.

And so I don't completely sound like a fanboy, there were some cons. The aspect ratio was weird as hell. Don't get me wrong, the movie looked beautiful but if you watch this movie on your phone,  you can't make it full-screen. And this being a Zack Snyder movie, everything is either grey, black, or dark blue. And I mean EVERYTHING. Some scenes were so goddamn dark I couldn't see anything. 

 

 

And that Knightmare scene was god-awful, for one reason...

I love Jared Leto. He's one of the most talented actors working, today and he's an amazing singer and frontman. Hell, he could probably write a better review of this movie than I could, too. Jared Leto is insanely good at damn near everything he does. But he is dog-shit as the Joker. He's awkward. His weird laugh sounds forced. None of his dialogue sounds like anything the Joker as he's presented in any other medium would say. (Hell, half of his lines don't sound like anything, anyone would say.) And he's visibly way younger than Batman. I'm fully aware that Jared Leto is probably going to jump off a building if we don't give him a Joker movie, but did he really need to be in THIS movie?

Also, I couldn't help but notice that Jared Leto filmed his scenes separately from everyone else. Whenever both Batman and the Joker were both supposed to be on screen at the same time, instead of having them stand together, you'd just see the arms, or the back of an obvious double. I don't normally notice stuff like that, but Snyder didn't do a good job editing that scene.

 

I maintain that the only good that ever came out of having Jared Leto as the Joker is Purple Lamborghini...

Also, maybe it's just been awhile since I've seen Man of Steel, but General Swanwick being Martian Manhunter was really jarring. I know it was the plan from the start, but narratively it seems like it comes out of nowhere.

"Are you effing stupid?" - Martian Manhunter, benevolent protector of the Earth.

 

 

 

 I just can't see the hot-headed angry General from Man of Steel being the cool, calm, and collected alien with an Oreo food-fetish.

 

Also wouldn't that mean he sat by and didn't do shit while Earth was being invaded by aliens? Three times? While being a massively superpowered alien, himself? He watched aliens ram a spaceship through a metropolitan city killing thousands, and he let his own soldiers kamikaze into them, instead of stopping them. Which he was fully capable of doing. Discharge this guy from the military and deport him back to Mars.

Either way, The Snyder Cut was probably the best thing I've seen all year. Let's see if Falcon and the Winter Soldier can top it...

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