And now for something completely different.
I've been writing shit that rhymes since middle-school. I say "shit that rhymes" because it started off as satirical stories, morphed into songs, and sometimes I write poetry. However I haven't been consuming as much media lately so it's been harder to write. Sometimes I run out fuel mid-writing session. These are my last five projects -
This Is Hel
This is Hel!
Want to know how I can tell?
You're not here with me
My heart begs and pleads
No Hades, no Mephisto
I sit upon this throne
Why have I created this hell
My demons guard the exit to this place
I have to face them if I want to escape
In this hell
There's no one here but me
I can't tell
Am I awake or still asleep?
Either way
Don't want to stay here another day!
This is Hel!
A spiritual jail
Don't know where I went wrong
But my happiness is gone
I can't stay here forever
Trapped in this Nether
But I don't have the strength to fight myself
My fears guard the exit to this place
I have to face them if I want to escape
In this hell
There's no one here but me
I can't tell
Am I awake or still asleep?
Either way
Don't want to stay here another day!
As I kill these demons I turn to leave
Then I see the devil blocking the exit is really only me
He points a finger and asks just where I'm going
If you leave here your vulnerabilities will be showing
Go sit back on your throne and be comfortable
I know you want to go higher but stay on this level
There's things up there you're too weak to face
That's the reason you're here in the first place
If you want to leave you have to go through me
Trust me I know more than you, don't leave
Want to know how I can tell?
You're not here with me
My heart begs and pleads
No Hades, no Mephisto
I sit upon this throne
Why have I created this hell
My demons guard the exit to this place
I have to face them if I want to escape
In this hell
There's no one here but me
I can't tell
Am I awake or still asleep?
Either way
Don't want to stay here another day!
This is Hel!
A spiritual jail
Don't know where I went wrong
But my happiness is gone
I can't stay here forever
Trapped in this Nether
But I don't have the strength to fight myself
My fears guard the exit to this place
I have to face them if I want to escape
In this hell
There's no one here but me
I can't tell
Am I awake or still asleep?
Either way
Don't want to stay here another day!
As I kill these demons I turn to leave
Then I see the devil blocking the exit is really only me
He points a finger and asks just where I'm going
If you leave here your vulnerabilities will be showing
Go sit back on your throne and be comfortable
I know you want to go higher but stay on this level
There's things up there you're too weak to face
That's the reason you're here in the first place
If you want to leave you have to go through me
Trust me I know more than you, don't leave
No Structure
I think about how much of a badass I am everyday man
Got rhymes like Tupac and chin piercings like David Draiman
Getting back into the speed is so fucking hard
Guess I got fuckup man, like Dragons fuck cars
I don't need this, I don't care
Weed is better than prayer
Cause it'll get you higher
Than heaven
That's the angelic experience
You don't need god, you need cannabis
Who needs Jesus anyway
He was weird and probably gay
And I guess that okay
But not in my house cause all our idols are straight
Straight like my hairline
Cause my barber cuts better than Wolverine
And he's bald like Mr. Clean
But he's nowhere near as lean
Got rhymes like Tupac and chin piercings like David Draiman
Getting back into the speed is so fucking hard
Guess I got fuckup man, like Dragons fuck cars
I don't need this, I don't care
Weed is better than prayer
Cause it'll get you higher
Than heaven
That's the angelic experience
You don't need god, you need cannabis
Who needs Jesus anyway
He was weird and probably gay
And I guess that okay
But not in my house cause all our idols are straight
Straight like my hairline
Cause my barber cuts better than Wolverine
And he's bald like Mr. Clean
But he's nowhere near as lean
Wrath of the Night Sky
To earn your status as a man
You have to see the master plan
Look into the night sky
And you will see the design!
The demons that shaped this Earth
Bestowed us with a minute worth
Spreading their traits in our gene pool
Invisible to only the fools
Open your eyes and look above
The black skies are lacking love
If you look at just the right time
You can see the heartless divine
You will see the eye that watches us all
And the true face of the Earth so-called
If you don't know what I'm on about
Just close your eyes and open your mouth
Call out the names of the Elder Gods
In their glory they'll respond
Open up that flesh-bound book
If you dare to take a look
Release the ancients from their prison
Unleash them upon us to seek their vengeance
Suffer the people as they die
Offer us up as a sacrifice
Are you willing to take a stand?
Do you want to see the master plan?
We need you to come outside
And scream our names into the night sky
You have to see the master plan
Look into the night sky
And you will see the design!
The demons that shaped this Earth
Bestowed us with a minute worth
Spreading their traits in our gene pool
Invisible to only the fools
Open your eyes and look above
The black skies are lacking love
If you look at just the right time
You can see the heartless divine
You will see the eye that watches us all
And the true face of the Earth so-called
If you don't know what I'm on about
Just close your eyes and open your mouth
Call out the names of the Elder Gods
In their glory they'll respond
Open up that flesh-bound book
If you dare to take a look
Release the ancients from their prison
Unleash them upon us to seek their vengeance
Suffer the people as they die
Offer us up as a sacrifice
Are you willing to take a stand?
Do you want to see the master plan?
We need you to come outside
And scream our names into the night sky
Santa's Got a Shotty
Merry Christmas to all of the kids
Santa's gonna find you wherever you're hid
He's coming down the chimney with a shotgun
He's bringing everything so you better run
Santa gonna get you you're on his list
He's bringing his shotgun he's fucking pissed
He doesn't care whether you're naughty or nice
If you're in his way then you're gonna get iced
Jingle Bells to all of the kids
Santa's gonna find you wherever you're hid
Santa's gonna find you wherever you're hid
He's coming down the chimney with a shotgun
He's bringing everything so you better run
Santa gonna get you you're on his list
He's bringing his shotgun he's fucking pissed
He doesn't care whether you're naughty or nice
If you're in his way then you're gonna get iced
Jingle Bells to all of the kids
Santa's gonna find you wherever you're hid
Wendigo of the Modern Times
Shadow people roaming in the streets
Covered in black from their head to their feet
They do nothing but spread lies and deceit
They're not creatures that you want to meet
If you see them you better stay out the way
They'll introduce you to a new kind of pain
If you hear them you better run while you can
Cause these demons despise woman and man
They sound like someone gargling with rocks
They smell like dead meat laid out till it rots
They crawl on all fours and they sprint real fast
They'll let you touch them, but don't you fall for that
They eat human meat, they really like our eyes
Piece by piece, they will eat you alive
They're Wendigo of the modern times
And they're stalking and walking among you and I
Covered in black from their head to their feet
They do nothing but spread lies and deceit
They're not creatures that you want to meet
If you see them you better stay out the way
They'll introduce you to a new kind of pain
If you hear them you better run while you can
Cause these demons despise woman and man
They sound like someone gargling with rocks
They smell like dead meat laid out till it rots
They crawl on all fours and they sprint real fast
They'll let you touch them, but don't you fall for that
They eat human meat, they really like our eyes
Piece by piece, they will eat you alive
They're Wendigo of the modern times
And they're stalking and walking among you and I
Bonus: The Void Made Flesh
I AM THE END OF DEATH ITSELF!
I am heaven and I am hel
I am the reason and I am the rhyme
I've been here since the beginning of time
Countless planets have met my wrath
Know my name Shuma-Gorath!
Do you think you can defeat me?
I can feel your will weakening
I'm the ruler on numerous planes
Your world will fall all the same
Not gonna lie, the only one I'll probably go back and finish is the one directly above ("The Void Made Flesh"). It's about a character I think is super-duper badass.
That guy down there could probably write
a Necronomicon-sized book of poems.
© Marvel Comics
And if you're over there thinking, I bet this guy has never actually finished a poem in his life -
Literally all of these are filled to the brim with
a year and a half worth of shit that rhymes.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
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